So, while I'm waiting on various editing notes from various sources, I'm working on revision of Good Girls Don't Date Mutants--which I originally wrote nearly three years ago. It's gone through many, many revisions already. It had some plot issues--a major plot issue in fact--it had stalking that was just a smidge less severe than Twilight's. It gained and lost a point of view. The chapters have gotten smaller and more numerous--which I don't like--and I'm fixing. It's gained epistolary inserts between chapters--which I really like--but I wouldn't be surprised if they get discarded as being too cute or something.
This manuscript started out life in third person--just third person for the most part. Then, I switched it to first person. Now, I'm switching it to third person deep. Typically this would seem like a frustrating set of changes--to switch it back to the original point-of-view makes you just want to shake the characters and ask them why you changed in it the first place. On the other hand, third person deep will still retain some of the inner dialogue from first person, so it's helped the story evolve. Wanna see? You know you do...
Okay, this is from Lucas's POV. This story is set in contemporary society but there are a secret group of mutants living among us. Lucas is a member of the Strain--his genetics give him super-human powers, and he thrives on bacteria--the same bacteria that would kill "Outsiders" i.e. the rest of the world. He's studying botulism in his lab. Botulism is the Strain's version of a narcotic. His mother is a sociopath and an assassin... and GO:
First, flat third person:
“Hello, my lovely,” his mother said while breezing in. “What are we studying today, Lucas?”
“Botulism,” Lucas said.
“How delightful… are we studying or partaking?” she asked, sliding onto a stool beside him.
He glared at her… which made her laugh.
Second, its trip through first person where it picked up all the character's thoughts.
“Hello, my lovely,” my mother said, breezing in. “What are we studying today, Lucas?”
Damn. If only I’d put this away and been working on something else. Prevarication was out—she’d know.
“Botulism,” I said.
“How delightful! Are we studying or partaking?” She slid onto a stool beside me.
I glared at her—which made her laugh. This wasn’t unusual. She often found my serious nature amusing.Finally, here we are in third person deep:
“What are we studying today, Lucas?” His mother stepped up to his microscope and peered in.
Damn. If only he’d put this away and been working on something else. Prevarication was out—she’d know.
“Botulism.”
“How delightful! Are we studying or partaking?” She slid onto a stool beside him.
Lucas glared at her—which made her laugh. This wasn’t unusual. She often found his serious nature amusing.
Another thing that this--rather laborious method of arrival added was that Hallie has a southern accent and during the first person conversion I added accent and voice to her character. Much of that will stay in third person deep. On the one hand, I might rather sell my soul than switch something from third person to first person and then back again just to gain insight into the characters' thoughts, but I can't argue with the resulting nuances it's added.
Still, don't do it. It's a misery.
If you have other questions on third person deep--and I have--I asked a bunch on Twitter two nights back actually after I read this post by Liz Pelletier: Demystifying Deep POV Liz is the publisher and lead editor at Entangled Publishing. That post is really helpful. She and I exchanged several tweets on whether Hallie should keep her slang in the narrative portions of the story. This post: What is Deep POV on the The Editor's Blog is also useful.
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