In the beginning... there were a lot of words. (Agent Story)

Sorry this is so long, but people asked for my story. This is my story:

For those that are new to my blog, I'm an insomniac... a raging insomniac, and I always have been. I've also always loved writing. I adored creative writing classes in high school and college and I submitted to school magazines and won placement. When the kids came, their needs pushed my writing towards blog posts and journals and mentoring others dealing with Autism and Special Needs. I wasn't writing for fun... I was writing to keep my sanity... but, still, I was writing... a lot.

In October of 2008, my brother said to me, "You should try writing a novel. You'd be good at it."

The idea stuck in my head... and wouldn't let go. I thought there was no way I could write a novel. I mean, that's a lot of words, right? What would I even write about? Well... obviously... something I knew... and so I did. A month later, I'd completed my first novel. The second novel was already pushing its way into my head... so I wrote that one. I mean, I had the time. I wasn't sleeping. I might as well do something with all that time. The third novel slipped out just as easily... and the fourth... and so on. I won't say they're fantastic. It was the challenge of writing something that drove me. They're heavy on dialogue and need revisions. Novel followed novel followed novel... and my family kept saying, "You should publish these. They're good." I laughed and said "whatever" for the most part.

By early 2009, I couldn't stop writing or I couldn't sleep. The characters were keeping me awake with their stories... and now I knew I could write them.

Then, Honor came on the scene. All the novels up until that point had been in a series of books I call "The Company of Him" series. Honor was different. She was a different take on the vampire legend... and she was pissy and fun and when I printed out a hardcopy of "Honor Among Thieves" my betas went nuts for it. Honor traveled. I had friends telling me, "I hope you don't mind but I loaned my copies to my friend/mother/daughter/my cousin's former roommate's orthodontist's ex-assistant." It was crazy. People talked about Honor as if she was alive and asked for the next book... and the next book.

I thought they were weird... and it was a little surreal, but I liked that Honor felt so real to them.

In August of 2009, I submitted a copy of Honor to DAW publishing's slush pile. I tried to keep my expectations low. I mean, sure... people liked my writing... but not professionals. This was DAW. DAW was big-time. Honor made it to a second reader there and they sent me a list of revisions and told me to resubmit in the future.

I wanted to frame that rejection. I wanted to hug it and take it bed and put it under my pillow. They read it! They liked it! They may have passed, but they took me seriously.

It was time to get serious and get an agent... because I knew that I needed help... and someone to do all the math. (Seriously, I've always hated math.)

So, I submitted Honor to a few agents... and almost every query turned into a submission. It was staggering. For someone who writes for herself and her characters... being taken seriously was just so hard to fathom. By that time, I'd decided to step out of the series manuscripts and start writing stand-alones.

When 2010 rolled in, I was going to query... and query hard. I'd decided to query on some of my other manuscripts depending on the agent's preferences. I didn't want to tackle the heavily-saturated vampire market... and, besides, I'd started writing YA by that time, and I was digging it. So, Honor was set aside and I queried on three manuscripts.

I have been thoroughly rejected. In 2010, I was rejected over 100 times.

However, in 2010, I was asked for a submission over 20 times.

I was also on Twitter and I was meeting tons and tons of writers and agents and realizing that even if I was never published... the friendships I was building... were worth the hell of querying.

BTW... querying is hell. Anyone who tells you differently is selling you something... or just a liar.

Synopses are a special place in hell that only writers are forced to visit. They're a dark corner that will make your brain explode as you weep uncontrollably.

Okay... back to the story....

All the while, I kept writing... and writing... and writing... so I could sleep. In March of 2010, the idea for Secrets of Skin and Stone stole into my brain. I wanted to write about OCD... real OCD... OCD in all its darkness from a YA girl's POV. I wanted to talk about it... but there was no way I'd query it. No way. Just... no way. I mean, it was too close... perhaps even shades of autobiographical. Just. No.

In June of 2010, Sarah Yake read and loved "Curse Me A Story" and asked what else I had written... which was probably a question she almost immediately regretted. Frances Collin got involved and asked for a list of what I'd written and fulls of several of my mss. I sent her the list. (Stuck in as an aside... I muttered something quietly about this story about a gargoyle and OCD I'd completed but said it needed revision.) The summer squeaked by as they went through them. Sarah came back in September and said they wanted to see revisions of "Curse Me A Story" done. She told me what she wanted... and it just clicked in my brain and I thought, "OF COURSE! I should have done that from the beginning!!!!! BAWAHAHAHA!" I did the revisions which included adding about 20K in words onto the ms... and sent it back... and waited.

I hate New Year's resolutions, but I received my 100th rejection shortly before the year turned and I was determined 2011 was going to be different. I'd tried that hell called querying, and I'd given it everything. I'd poured my soul into querying. Not only had I been rejected THAT many times, but some agents hadn't even cared enough to respond.

Ugh.

I wasn't "giving up." I was going to try something different. Something that WAS NOT querying.

On January 17th, I had a game plan. I was going to hard-core revise the Honor series and epublish it. I was going to submit my short stories to magazine/ezine and short story collection markets. Finally, I was going to revise the one novel that had never really seen the light of day and submit it to ABNA (Amazon's Breakthrough Novel Award) because I wouldn't have to worry about the exclusivity conditions with ABNA. No one had seen Secrets of Skin and Stone. I'd been reading up on epublishing and I'd talked it over with my husband.

I HAD A PLAN! I HAD A FREAKING PLAN!

I announced on Twitter: "I'm going to epublish Honor." Within a minute (NO JOKE) of this... an email notification pops up.

I may have said some naughty words when I saw Sarah had sent me another revision request. Not because I wasn't excited... but... because... geez... the universe had it out for me. I mean, I'd JUST made this plan. I'D HAD A PLAN!

I'd decided long ago that if I was going to do this thing... I was going to do it the Sinatra way... my way. I was going to be me... and if the agents didn't like me... it wouldn't have worked anyway. I'm too honest. I'm irreverent. I'm sarcastic. I'm goofy. I overshare. Plus, I have a lot of bad qualities. ; )

So, I wrote back to Sarah and told her that while I would love to do more revisions... (Her advice again... was spot-on perfect... so I was excited to do them.) I told her that I'd started making plans and I dumped all my plans in front of her and asked if I should halt them all until after she'd reviewed Curse Me A Story.

This was probably a very weird thing to do and may have even made Sarah want to run the other direction....

She didn't run, though... so... uhh... hah!

Sarah asked me to tell her more about this story that I "never planned on querying." So, I did... and she was excited and asked to see a full of Secrets of Skin and Stone when I was done revising it.

If you've been following my blog, you know how I revised the crap out of Secrets of Skin and Stone in order to add a southern accent in January. I went hoarse during my read aloud after a full week of reading it aloud in a southern accent. It wasn't the most pleasant revision... but... on the other hand, parts of it still made me cry... and I loved it. I love Secrets of Skin and Stone... even after revisions. I think this was my seventh or eight revision even.

I sent it out to betas... with my heart on the line... and they loved it too.

Finally, last Monday (February 7th,) I hit send and sent it to Sarah... and immediately wished I hadn't.

It was too personal.

It was too OCD.

It had scenes with cutting in it... for crying out loud. What if she wrote back and said, "What part of your twisted little mind did this crawl out of, Wendy?" She'd say it nicely, of course... because Sarah is awesome, but she'd be thinking that.

Last Monday, I was a freaking wreck. I snarled at people all day before I just told myself to go offline for a while until I was less of a bear.

My husband kept sending me looks like "Wendy has finally lost it.... more."

Tuesday morning, I pulled myself out of bed and thought, "I'm going to pretend I didn't send that so I can get on with my life for the next few weeks until she gets back with me." I had all sorts of things scheduled for that day so I did an early run with my dog... during which we were nearly attacked by another dog. It was the worst run ever because my knee brace made it last FOREVER. I got home pissier than ever... and I had to run out the door after a shower to an appt. I was in a foul mood. REALLY FOUL. (We're talking "mentally composing hate mail to the owners' of the dog that attacked us" and "planning on ripping the heads off chickens with my bare hands in the mean time" type of mood.) All the while, I kept thinking, "Why did I send that? She'll probably think I'm crazy. I shouldn't have sent it." While gathering clothes, I popped up my email to make sure the appt. hadn't been cancelled. I was muttering under my breath I was so stressed and frustrated and....

There was an email from Sarah... she couldn't put it down. She couldn't put MY NOVEL down.

MY NOVEL.

No... really.

Like... really.

I sat down on my couch and just stared.

Utter shock ensued.

I pointed at my laptop... even though I was the only one home.

I laughed... even though I was the only one home. It was one of those crazy laughs that crazy people do too. Maybe it was good that I was the only one home.

I sent an email to the husband and went and took a shower... and went to the appt. and tried to concentrate. My emotions were flying to pieces underneath my skin. I just kept thinking, "An agent... couldn't put down my book. She read it in less than 24 hours. This is the dream. THIS. IS. THE. DREAM." Meanwhile, I was nodding and trying to look sane.

I came home and composed an email to Sarah that probably looked much like the ramblings of a psychopath.

It mostly was.

On Thursday, Sarah offered representation... but I had some manuscripts out that I needed to work things out with the agents... and I'd just come back from a run... and I had to run out the door to a meeting.

At the meeting, I sent an email to Di... and we texted highly-exclaiming texts back and forth while I desperately tried to concentrate on taking notes for the meeting.

My notes for that meeting suck, btw. One of the people there told me at the meeting, "You spelled my name with a "y" in the last notes, by the way... it should be with an "i."' I remember staring at her and thinking, "DUDE!!! An agent asked to represent me!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Instead, I made a note.

I got home and sent another psychotic rambling email to Sarah.

My husband took me out to dinner and told everyone on the ferry and at his work how proud he was of me and that I'd received an offer of representation. (Yes, everyone on that ferry run of the WA state ferries found out before all of you... I apologize. What can I say... my husband is a big fan of me... and it was really sweet.)

By Saturday, I was free and clear to accept Sarah's offer of representation.

I celebrated with Mt. Dew and asked Sarah when I was allowed to start screaming it around online.

I got my contract in an email yesterday and the go-ahead.

I still can't believe it. I'm sure most writers in my position behave with a moderate amount of decorum or something... but... I'm me. I've already put poor Sarah through the labyrinth of psychotic rambling emails... and she still wants to represent me.

This has been a crazy two and a half years... and no matter what happens from this moment on... I feel proud of the fact that I've struggled and grown and become a writer thanks to it. If my first novel had been published, I never would have managed to improve my writing as much as I have. If my first query had netted me an agent, I wouldn't have learned what I have or met some of the wonderful people I've found.

This has been a journey... and sometimes success isn't in the destination but the amazing things you learn along the way and the people who help you get to the next step in the journey. I've queried and interacted with some truly spectacular agents. Sarah is one of them. She "gets" my manuscripts and she's been great about helping me with revisions.

I'm really excited. Hopefully, I'll have more good news eventually... but I finally feel like I'm a professional. I'm not just writing to keep my characters from disrupting my sleep. I'm writing because I'm a writer. I'm not playing at it anymore. I am a writer.

Author comes next.

Thus insuring that nothing will ever be accomplished today (Agent News)

I just saw my contract and it says on it... that I am indeed REPRESENTED!!!!!!!!

My agent is Sarah Yake of Frances Collin Literary Agency.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

*cue crying*

For those that don't know, this has been a long two and a half years for me, and I just wanted to give up on traditional publishing just a month ago. I should know by now how important the journey is, though....

Okay, I'll post the actual story in another post when I can gather up the scattered pieces of my brain.

I'm so completely excited. It's been a week and a day since I sent her Secrets of Skin and Stone. It's been a week since she emailed me saying she couldn't put it down. It's been a long five days since she offered representation... but I've had to hold off announcing. (I know... most of you guys had guessed or harassed information out of me. LOL. Still, pretend to be surprised... use your wide, shocked eyes.)

I AM REPRESENTED!!!!!!! *dances in circles while screaming and crying*

And there was much rejoicing....

It all started with a thought about a dog and what a person with OCD might think. It moved to a sketch... which some thought was naked... and then it went to a southern accent which made me lose my voice and gave my husband the chance to snicker at me behind my back. It doesn't, of course, end here on a day where there was lots and lots of screaming and jumping around, but today was a pretty good day for me as a writer.

(We're still not jinxing it by talking about it until I can announce something for reals, btw.)

There was a lot of screaming today, though.

It started after I got back from my run and discovered all good emails will come approximately ten minutes after I leave for a run. *true story* It's happened twice this week anyway. Unfortunately, I'd bumped my run up so that I could go to a meeting. I sent off a quick email to the husband, showered, and ran out the door.

During the meeting... and while I was meant to be taking notes, I texted Di... who then bombarded my phone with texts full of screaming and exclamation points to the point that I had to mute my phone... and it still nearly buzzed itself off the table. When a meeting consists of four people, and the secretary, who is meant to be taking notes, keeps sneaking out texts while grinning like a dork... it's not as efficient as you might think. I know. Go figure.

My husband did not scream.

He told everyone he commuted home on the ferry with... and the people at his work.

Which is pretty close to screaming.

He also brought me home a chocolate-covered Twinkie before taking me out to dinner to celebrate. We tried to explain to the kids how exciting today was for mommy... but B was more focused on T's birthday tomorrow, and T lost enthusiasm for the whole thing when he discovered that agents and secret agents had very little in common.

My mom screamed. My mom screams at a lot of things, though. It's hard to give her credit for something which is almost involuntary. She does scream at a lot of things.

My dad didn't... which is good because that would have creeped me out. Actually, men should never scream.

My sister screamed... I think... the connection wasn't so good. Her prior text said "HOLY COW!" which I'm sure was meant to be significant because our religion doesn't believe cows are holy. We eat a lot of meat in my family but not to the point of revering it.

Other people may have screamed... whether because of this or just because they like to scream.

Anyway... it sucks that I have to be all coy, but if you knew... you'd scream and jump around... or at the very least, you'd buy me a chocolate-covered Twinkie... because it was that kind of day.

I hope your Thursdays were as good as mine.

The Glass Exists

I was recently talking with someone on Twitter about the concept of "Luck" vs. "God's Will." I know many of you don't believe in God, and that's fine, but it's something Christians take into account. When it comes to writing there is a certain "luck factor" in being published. Once you take into account all the monumental variables, you're left with that intangible variable of the right manuscript making it into the right hands at the right time.

It takes a certain amount of optimism to query. Each of the well-known agents receives around 100 or so queries a week. (Not an exaggeration.) Now, it's true that the bulk of those people shouldn't be querying that agent. (Not the right genre, manuscript not finished, they were never meant to be published) Whatever that factors out to--will be rejected and won't really be competition for you. Another fact is that most agents accept only 2 or 3 new clients a year. That's right. Out of 5,200 queries--they pick up 2 or 3. (I did the math for you-- it's .06%) On the other hand, I've seen a lot of the writers I know on Twitter picked up for representation lately. I've seen interns go through queries and so many of those are just not competition. I would bet that my competition for an agent's interest is closer to around 5 % of queries. Still, that's a lot.

The luck factor.

Query Tracker says there are 700 agents out there that accept fiction and are open to queries right now. That's a lot of agents. Nearly 300 say they accept Young Adult. Still a lot of agents. There is no way my ego can handle querying and being rejected or ignored by 300 agents. My goal is to query 150 before I reevaluate. I've been querying for a year now. I'm not admitting to how many queries I've sent out. (That's like a woman's weight as far as querying writers go.) However, I will say that 28% of the time I get a request for a full or a partial when I get a response.

So, what does this all mean? Am I complaining? Am I excited?

It's hard to say. People with OCD are, by nature, pessimistic. The world is a hostile place to us. You crazy nuts don't play by our rules. So, when it comes down to numbers, it's hard for me to be optimistic when my glass is always half empty.

But I write fiction--I believe in fantasy and strangely enough that factors into my optimism. So many variables, though. For me, the chief, trumping variable is God's will--or the luck factor for those that don't believe in God. It's not something that you can control either way. I really like to have control. My life is about control. Le Sigh.

Anyway, this was sort of rambling... and I'm watching Mythbusters at the same time. I'm guessing my family will still find the numbers interesting, though. So, that's the numbers that I face before the trumping variable. It's just... I'd like to know what that variable has in store for me.

May the Force Be With You

Hey! It's a writing-related post... from me. Well, sort of. It's a catch-up post for those that don't follow me on Twitter.

I've decided to only query in odd numbered months and I'm trying for every Thursday. So, with May drawing to a close, I've got a bunch of queries out. I think I've received around eight responses this month... one for a partial and two for fulls. There was a huge book expo last week though, so I think most agents are going to play catch-up in June... if they respond.

I have a full still out from... April, I believe.

So, that's my big news. I'm really excited about the fulls I just sent out... but trying not to get my hopes up. Some writers cope with querying by being optimistic... others by being pessimistic. I definitely fall in the second category.

The husband and I are sick today. Hubby with a migraine... and me with a head cold. Hopefully, we'll recover to get a lot done tomorrow. I've gotten so far behind on everything. My WIP is sucking my time... and it's been a crazy week. Still, June is query free, so maybe I'll get some of that time back.

In all honesty....

Which, of course, implies that I regularly lie to you.

It's true. I do.

No, I don't.

(This is why I shouldn't post at 4a.m.)

Since I'm awake, I was thinking about the query I sent out yesterday. I took a query break over the holidays, so I just don't have many queries out there right now. I was stumbling around blogs yesterday and read someone's advice that out of three agents, you'll typically get one that responds immediately, one that responds in weeks, and one that either never responds or responds in months. The follow-up advice was to always have multiple queries out there so that you always had an immediacy of a few queries.

While I hadn't intended to send out a query right away on Honor, I have. (It wasn't that the manuscript wasn't ready. It just went through it's eighth or ninth deep revise.) My intention was, for better or for worse, take another stab at DAW. (The agent I spoke with in the chat room thought I was nuts, btw, for this. I probably am. I'm a very instinctual person when it comes to my writing. Some of my instincts are insane and illogical.)

Anyway, since I'm up ridiculously early due to an oncoming migraine (it'll nail me in a few hours) I might as well send out two or three queries, right? I take queries seriously--probably too seriously. It'll take me all morning to send out just a few. It just seems stupid to send out one. Besides, I really haven't shopped Honor around. I don't know why. It's the manuscript that has fans I don't even know. One of my hardcopy beta friends sent it (and the other Honor books) to her mother in California and her mother wants to buy copies for all her friends and asked to be notified when she can. (Yes, it's bizarre. My hardcopies made some friends that I don't even know. I feel like I should have people sign the copies after they read them just so I could keep track of the random people that helped look for typos.) Anyway, I believe Honor has been read by several dozen people when you include all the people that passed it around within a family and "sent it to a friend." On the other hand, it hasn't been seen by a dozen agents. That's weird, huh? I think it's because I'm overly protective of Honor because I like her so much. I don't know.

I'm all rambly today. This post really doesn't have much going for it other than a stream of consciousness dialogue about my intentions which are all waffly.

Okay, I think I'm looking over my list of agents and formulating a plan.

Happy Tuesday, everyone.

Fantasy and Reality collide and explode--shrapnel everywhere! Ahhh!

I know what you're asking. What would be the shrapnel of a fantasy and reality collision?

Unicorns. Seriously, they're almost horse, but... not. Once again, unicorns are the answer.

So, in my fantasy "I'm a writer" life, I sent off a query today. (I know, shocked the crap out of me too.) I finished Diana's line edits on Honor Among Thieves last night--really this morning. Well, okay, I haven't finished the page sixty exposition that she wants pared down to help with flow. I'll do that this morning now that I have a fresh idea of what can be cut because it's explained later. That's the goal for this morning.

I also got an answer to my DAW question in a chat room last night, so I'm feeling ahead of the game this morning.

In my reality, I need to tackle laundry, dishes, and post-holiday recovery. I also really, really need to clean the kids' therapy room while they're at school. T has three loose teeth. How does that relate? We can't even cut his hair without him getting spun out of control from sensory input. Having three loose teeth is making him manic--seriously. It's terrifying. With how much it is raining outside today, he won't get enough of that energy burnt off at school. Their therapy room has swings and hammocks and a ball pit and so on. (Yes, we have a play gym inside--with two kids on the Spectrum--it became vital.)

Oh, this week I also need to get busy figuring out what I'm submitting to Amazon Breakthrough Novel Contest. I'm thinking Scorched so I won't have to deal with the "literary novel expectation" that I think might be present in the adult category. I'd rather try to dig my way into the Young Adult category. So, if that's the plan, I need to do a rewrite on Scorched ASAP.

Okay, so that is today. It's a Monday so, per usual, I can anticipate the day falling to pieces and very little getting accomplished, but it's still good to start with a plan of blind faith and determination.

Oh--on the DAW thing, you know how I seem to specialize in holiday rejections? I'm thinking if I submitted on Groundhog's Day--there would be no way they could reject me on Valentine's Day. See! Clever, huh? I know. I'm full of clever ideas. They got back to me really fast last time for it making it to the second reader. I've seen a lot of writers wait for months to hear back from them at all. I think I got a month and a half turn around. For a full hardcopy slushpile entry, that seems fairly good. I mean, for a writer, that's sheer torture, but a lot of agents take longer than that on a query.

Okay, this morning there should be Frosting. I didn't get much sleep. The end of Honor Among Thieves still rocks my world. There were still a few places that made me cry. (It's nice to have such a poor memory. It gives you weird split personality moments to enjoy.) I still laughed in a bunch of places. Reeve is still hot. It was fun. Of course, then I wanted to move on to "editing" book two. Doh.

Okay, good morning, world. Happy Monday to all.

The hungry, hungry muse

The muse is a little like the hungry, hungry caterpillar--only there isn't that butterfly guarantee.

I tried my first "real" food last night. My stomach thought I was nuts. That's the payback on this particular flu. Even after it's gone your stomach just really wants to protest any food. What? Eating? No. Let's stay empty for eternity. Blech.

Apparently, though, I'm better because my brain started up at five a.m. and kicked me out of bed. Today, I swore I was doing a rewrite on Honor Among Thieves. So, naturally, the muse wants to play around with Matching Lies. In the past, I've thought, "Okay, I'll just write a scene. Then, I'll be done." One scene blends into another and, all of a sudden, I've written 5K and the day is gone. I'm not falling for that today. Nuh uh. I'm on to your sneaky ways, Muse.

The husband might be home today, though. I think the stomach flu finally took him down. I'd like to say it's his own fault but, really, I've been smothering him with my arms and legs in the night, and he's too nice to tell me to go away with my germy ways--my hot, sexy germy ways. Actually, just hot--I think I've been running a low-grade fever for a week or so. Ahhh marriage, je t'adore. The love and germs between a man and a wife are just touching, aren't they? (Why did the word "touching" sound slightly crude in that sentence?)

Anyway, so the plan.... There is always a plan. It may fail miserably, but it is there. My plan is to do a final rewrite of "Honor Among Thieves" over the next few days. I want to get it below 98K. We'll see. Diana did a line by line for me, and I'll tackle that--as well as some issues my mom found. I also have a hard copy that Stephanie and I have both smacked the heck out of. It's covered in ink. Then, next week, I'll work on getting it sent out to DAW again. I keep thinking, "What's the worst they can do? Laugh in my face and explain their form rejection always contains helpful pointers from a second reader?" Then I think, "That sounds kind of sucky. Can they really do that? Is there a form rejection for that?" Okay, so the plan is a bit wobbly and anxious, but it's a plan.

So, when a publisher asks for an exclusive, that's just among publishers, right? Can you still query agents? (Actually, honestly, I'm tired of querying agents. I know it's the right way to do things, but I put my heart and soul into it, and they always find a holiday to reject me on. These personal rejections sting a little more. Not that I want to go back to the good old days of "Pass and God Bless" but there is something that really nips at you a little more when they care enough to tell you exactly why you should find a different agent to pester.)

Can you tell I'm a little heartsick about the whole thing today? I'm really trying to really go back to querying this year, but I'm feeling like a sissy. Maybe I'll send along a fill in the blank rejection with my query.

Dear Wendy Sparrow,

While your story was brilliant and made me tingle all over, I'm just a very busy soul with (other clients/a bitter divorce, and I'm cynical/playing Sudoku/sleeping/reading "the next Harry Potter.") Don't lose hope. I'm sure that (the circus is hiring/you must have a day job/another agent will recognize your brilliance/this can't be the best you can do.) Keep (writing/querying/your manuscripts to yourself/blogging--it's your real strength.)

My best (regards/restraining order/toothbrush/agenty farewell/and dearest desire is to smother you with money, but I can't--so toodles)

Agenty Person

Okay, time to get to work. (Wendy cracks knuckles and looks at the time.) Crap. It's time to get the kids ready for school. Bah! Stupid muse and her tricksy little ways. We hates her, my precious. (Sorry, I feel a little like gollum this morning.)

To Query or not to Query that is the question.

Whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the agents to enjoy their holidays or to take queries against a sea of NaNo writers and Holiday Abusers and by opposing--be lost among them. To Query or to sleep. To sleep perchance to dream of another novel. Querying--that undiscovered country from whose bourn none but rejections return. Aye. There's the rub. Who would something something something slings and arrows of outrageous fortune blah blah blah when he himself might his quietus make with a bare bodkin. (That's a dagger--for all you creeps out there who assume something like "bodkin" must be skanky.) I can't remember the rest, though I once had it memorized. It's a Wednesday and my brain feels mushy. I think I may have even squished things into the wrong places. You get the point. I didn't cheat and look it up--so there. (Aye there's the rub indeed.)

Okay, so everyone loves Honor. That's what I'm getting from betas, from readers, from family. Out of two dozen or so people that have read portions or all of it--they've basically become addicts--and many have passed my hard copies off to others to read. People quote from it. No joke. It's bizarre. This may sound conceited, but I'm going with the insanity defense. Honestly, I feel so disconnected from the genius that is Honor because I swear that Honor writes it herself. I just type as fast as her character spills it. I read back through it after the fact and laugh and cry and feel like an insane person for not remembering the bulk of what I wrote or how it made it into the story. Honor is just like that. She is wicked awesome.

So, I just don't know whether to wait until January or query now. I'm excited about Honor again--especially now that I'm almost done with Honor Six. Plus, a few new people (including my Mom) just got the Honor books, and they're all excited about it. That makes me excited.

Should I query now--should I wait? Aargh! I'm thinking of picking like five or six agents and querying them and then being "done" for December. What do you think? Weigh in. Querying in December--bad idea? Enthusiasm for a project should be capitalized on--or stomped down until the holidays are over?

To Query or not to Query--that is the question.

I won't be around for a few hours--I stopped by the church to see how the whole nativity project is going, and Katie, my friend, looked desperate and said, "Please tell me that you're here to help." So, I'm home to take medicine, sneak in this post, and see if I can find our nativities to loan to them. (Usually they have hundreds of nativities, but I think the sign-ups and notifications weren't as well done this year. Everything looked fairly sparse.) Oh... my dog, Nanaimo is out there whining for someone to play with him. Okay, so I'm home to take medicine, write a dog post--no, blog post, and play with my dog. (In a hurry--brain just shut off.)

Ta, folks.

How to Write a Rejection Letter

There are hundreds of sites that tell you how to write a query letter, but I'm fairly certain that there aren't many that help with rejection letters. Since so many agents get it wrong or right (depending on how they feel about things) it must be an art form. As about ninety percent or more of the agents are female it seems... I can't figure out how they've forgotten their roots. Maybe the ability to read subtext where there is none is stronger (like the force) with some. Anyway, in my opinion... this would be the way to write a less crushing rejection letter.

First of all, the salutation:

Dear (Cut and paste author's first name)

The exception would be if the author has "Dear Agent" or "To Whom it may concern" -ed you. In which case... go ahead and "Dear Author" us. It serves us right.

Onto the body of the letter:

I have considered your submission but I have a very specific type of manuscript and writing style I'm looking for. I also have a limited number of clients I'm able to take on. I hope you will find the right agent for you elsewhere, but in the meantime, keep writing and good luck.

Regards,
(Your name)

Simple... to the point... Agents read thousands of submissions a year so I don't blame you for not wasting time on something not for you.

A few things that crush my soul that should not be put in a rejection letter:

*not publishable. (There must be nicer words than this.)
*upon careful consideration. (It's either a lie dressed up nicely... or it's true, but authors will always believe it's a cliche phrase meaning you used their manuscript to wipe up something that spilled.)
*I wanted to like your submission. (I've received more than just one letter... and seen several on-line that use this phrase. To me... it means, "Your plot sounds promising, but wow... you really blew in execution. What the hell is wrong with you? Did you even take any English classes?" )
*pass (This word equates to "fail" in my vernacular. It's odd, because it shouldn't, but around the third time an agent says "I'm sorry to say I'm passing on your manuscript," it suddenly takes on the same meaning as the phrase "passed on." As in, "I'm sorry... your manuscript is dead. My condolences." )
*not for me (This phrase sounds pretentious. As in "this is not for me as I exist on a plane far above authors." )
*DO NOT MENTION THE IMPROBABILITY OF AN AUTHOR FINDING AN AGENT. How is that supposed to make me feel better?
*There is no need to mention it's a form letter. Chances are... I know it's a form letter from the salutation of "Dear Author," so pointing out that it's a form letter is unnecessary. I'd rather imagine it wasn't... if the rejection was actually nice.

If I've followed the submission guidelines to the letter and addressed you by name... I just honestly feel like I deserve a nice form letter rejection. Unless I'm sending you something profane or awful... in which case, here is the form letter for that:

Dear Author... if you think you can call yourself that,

Did you really think your pile of rubbish was worth printing? I invited everyone in the office to walk through and step on it before I set it on fire in the bathroom sink. Along with this email rejection I'm sending you a virus that will hopefully corrupt and delete all copies of that crap from your computer. Whatever your day job is... you need another one just so you have no extra time on your hands to contribute to the moral decay of society.

Regards and lose our email address,
(Your Name)

I think if I move on to printing out queries and going that route... I'm going to include a self-addressed rejection letter with blanks to fill in. It'll be like picking out a gynecologist. You know that no good will come of it, so you might as well go for the most comfortable. I'll be feeling a little defeatest by the time that rolls around apparently.

By the way, this was tongue-in-cheek humor. (Actually... basically everything I write is either that or full-on sarcasm.)

Oh... hey... it's time for yoga. I should get going.

Brain... exploding... must... find... pie.

I hate this process of querying. It's basically the emotional equivalent to standing outside naked and just waiting for someone to come shove straw underneath your fingernails.

There must be pie for there to be sanity.

I was staring at a synopsis for too long. My brain aches. A book synopsis makes my eyes bleed. It's like watching your child get vampired... all of their juicy goodness is drained down to a Dick and Jane book. It's hard for me to tell the entire story in just a few pages without making it sound like I'm being patronizing. Hopefully, agents are used to that... adjective-free, psuedo writing. "See Honor go to the store. Honor kills monsters. Monsters want to eat Honor. Honor is unhappy." It's mind-numbing... like writing out a lobotomy. The back-cover pitch is fun. Synopsis... ugh.

Hopefully, the quality of my writing is not ever judged on a plot synopsis.

Pie... Must... eat... pie.

Yippee-ki-yi-yay and other things you just have to say at times

Well, it took seven hours, but I think I've done what I wanted to do with the Honor manuscript. Now, it's time for more "hurry up and wait" time to be put in.

I think I walked into this with a fairly simplistic idea of how things went. I guess I just assumed that it would be a straight out rejection or acceptance. When getting any feedback on a slushpile manuscript as quickly as I did should have tipped me off to the fact that it wasn't a flat-out rejection. Anyway... I don't think I'm off on my translation now.

I think I definitely need an agent, though, to run translations for me. Hopefully, I'll have more luck this time around. I'm not doing an repeat submissions even though this is a completely different manuscript. I don't know what the protocol is on things like that. Besides, I have a crib sheet on their rejections from last time. I'm a little surprised at how cold some of their form letters are. They weren't all bad. In fact, some of the rejections... even the form letters were nice, so those got high-lighted for possibilities. It was about fifty-fifty as to which ones I felt torched the bridge behind them. Maybe that was their intention, though. I know agents typically have hundreds of queries a week and they probably don't want to deal with the same writers again and again. That was useful to know though, because I could tell which ones I never would have felt comfortable working with.

For those that are curious, the nicest rejection I received was from Laurie McLean at Larsen-Pomada Literary Agents . I'm totally not being sarcastic either. Honest truth. It was the kindest and most motivating rejection I've received. In fact, if I was to re-query anyone... there you go... right there. Nice people.

I've already mentioned the one that bothered me the most, but I won't say who sent that. The body of the rejection was "Pass and God bless." I actually winced when I read that. It was even an email. Please... just send me a form letter instead of something like that. I know we're not supposed to take rejection personally because I doubt they're rejecting our manuscript with any personal feeling attached, but that one.... That one won the "OUCH... cold" award. I had other awards that I attached. There was the "bland award for extreme blandness." I awarded the "vague" award. Oh... and then the "best use of a Lewis Carroll quote in their signature" award. Someone actually used the word "rejection letter" in their rejection letter. They got the award for "boldness." Anyway... now I run across these agents blogs, and I find myself thinking "Weird... I gave you the bland award."

So, I ran into someone at church who was proofreading "Re: Straint" for me. She'd finished the book and tried to hand it back to me, but it was barely in my hand before someone snatched it out. My friend, Danielle, who is currently hoarding the completed Honor series, asked, "Is this another book?" in accusation before shaking her head as if I was trying to pull a fast one on her. Then, she tucked it in her purse. The husband was there for that and found it amusing. My fourteen year old fan was excited to hear that she'd be getting her hands on my latest YA adult book. Her mother refers to her as my first rabid fan. My order should come from Lulu tomorrow along with two books from the Sarah series that need to go through the hard-copy edit process. Lulu was a find. I'm so glad I read somewhere that you should do a small private print run on Lulu to find typos. It's so much easier to find stuff when it's printed out.

Anyway, I was working on Honor Six last night and I should get back at it while I'm in the mode. Between Alex, the fourteen year old, and Danielle, I'm not sure who is more rabid, and I just have to keep throwing books at them.