Day Twelve-- Optimus Prime Says: "Know Thy Audience."

This is selected text from my son's new Transformers book:

"We Primes represent the entire cybertronian race, standing inviolate, incorruptible--a figurehead. We encapsulate an ideal, an archetype...."

"Despite vociferous, if duly respectful protestations from Prowl, I take Ark-32 and set course for the Muta-Gaath Nebula, and, within its far from welcoming gaseous volatility...."

Wait for the sound effects, though--surely THEY should be easy to understand. Saying them out loud SHOULD help you hear the action, right?

"KALUNNNNNNG!"

"BA-TTANNKK!"

"SKRUUUNK!"

"VARK!"

"ZRAKTT!"

"THASSHT!"

"ZZHT!"

"FLANNGG!"

Uhh... yeah. Maybe not. It sucked to have to admit to my six year old that I had no idea what his Transformers book said. I turned it over to the husband who was able to translate it effectively--though with some frustration. You know--because every six to twelve year old boy knows what the term "vociferous" means. The husband walked by while I was reading it and stopped cold in his tracks, asking, "What on earth are you reading?"

Which begs the question: "If a thirty-three year old English Major doesn't understand what the book says, who were they writing this for?"

By the way, this is only the first small section of the book--the first twenty pages of a two hundred page book.

I know this subject (word choice) has come up in a few other blogs: Bane's, for example. Still, I have a question about it in regards to POV.

So, my NaNo manuscript is going well, but I'm occasionally wanting to stick in words that just may not be right. If this were a third person book, I'd have more license, I think. If you're writing a first person book from a seventeen year old's perspective, how far can you stretch the vocabulary when describing actions, attributions, giving a little back-story? In dialogue, it would be obviously stupid to start vociferously peppering my speech with complex vocabulary. (Although if Optimus Prime does it... doesn't that means it's okay?) Should the entire book have the same exact level for both thought, perceived, and spoken language?

I'm beta-ing a book for Diana that is in the first person, and I noted a word used in a description that I thought was too much for a sixteen year old, and it got me thinking about my own book. (If I'm going to be hyper-critical of anyone, it's going to be me.) BTW, Di, that's part of my reasoning for thinking the book should be shifted to third person--language constraints.

So, while this might be a rewrite thing to address, I'm still curious. If a seventeen year old wouldn't say it to the person next to them, can you still use it in non-verbal communication in a first person narrative?

Okay, I'm going to "out" Diana--which may horrify her, but it illustrates my point, and she might forgive me. The sentence that got me thinking about this started with "I demurred..." but it was this teenager mentally describing an action.

Can a sixteen year old "demure" in a first person narrative?

Can a robot vociferously toss around ten dollar words in a first person narrative meant for young boys?

On the one hand, you don't want to talk down to your audience, but there must be allowances made for your audience, right? Even with context--in a first person narrative--there are constraints, right?

Opinions?

Yes, I'm nitpicking, but we're all big kids, and I've crossed the 50K mark, and my middle name is "nitpick." (Thanks, Mom. Way to make my life awkward in junior high.)

As for me, I still sound vile, and it's hard to sleep at night when your lungs feel like they're drowning you. T's eyebrow wound--should have been stitched. The glue is not enough. I think it's too late to go back and have them redo it, though. Dang it! I called it too. I walked in and said, "Stitches." I got over-ruled by so-called medical professionals who are not professionals in a six year old boy with sensory issues who WILL bang his head against every available surface. T was sort of excited to tell the story at school. (Hopefully, he drops the part about it being his little five year old girlfriend. They're going to get married some day, so he might as well learn to stand up to her when she is young. She's a bossy little thing, but that's part of her charm.)

Happy Thursday, everyone. Go have some Frosting. (Wink wink, Deb.)

Day Three- Another name bites the dust and the POV was shot

So, I can't very well have a character named Seth and a character named Sidra, and why did no one point this out? If you say their names together, you run into the lisping issue that keeps killing my favorite name "Seth." Crap! This required a find and replace and a new name. Seth wasn't quite catching me anyway. His new name is Asher and that seemed to work with the whole theme of "Fire" but there was a new problem. His last name was Taylor. While all of this occurs in real life, it doesn't occur in fiction--dang it! We will make sure last names aren't stupid when said with first names. So, he got a full-on name change on Day Three. (Is this giving someone flashbacks? Sadly, I can only remember your name as Chris... which it isn't... anymore.)

So, Asher Terry was born. Phew. Name handled.

Point of View-- le sigh. So, I've been using first person and while I think that's good, Sidra's POV isn't enough. Is it weird to throw in the occasional first person chapter from Asher's perspective? (Like every third chapter or something) The other option is to switch the whole thing to third person and just head hop. Any ideas?

Then, there is the tense issue. Verb tense that is. Sidra likes to space off and stare at fires and have internal monologues about fire--which I'm allowing--for now. Her soliloquies to fires are in the present tense and have an extra space before and after. I'm trying to decide if that's too weird and jarring. I know it's hard for me to switch back and forth between tenses.

It's too complicated to explain what I mean in the generic, so here is an excerpt from the first of the book (Sidra's) and a little later (like chapter four) for Asher's--let me know what you think on the tense thing and the POV thing:

I paint almost entirely in reds and oranges. I like to paint fire—and things on fire. This bothers some of those people at school. My mom understands, so I do most of my painting at home. My friends call me “Scorch” because of it. It started in Junior High, and I haven’t been able to drop the name. I guess it’s better than my given name, Sidra. It means “stars” in Latin and my mom gets way too into Latin for it being a dead language in my opinion.

Sometimes when I’m in front of my easel, painting fire, like I am right now, my mind just runs and runs. There are no child support checks and a father living in Mississippi with the super whore, Bliss. There are no awkward moments when I walk into a class and search for the least unappealing seat. There is just me—and reds—and oranges—and fire.

“Sids, come down and grab some breakfast. You’re going to be late for school, Honey!” my mother yelled, breaking my mind’s sprint.

I wiped the paint off my hands with a cloth to the side of my easel. This room used to be my father’s office before he ran off with Bliss, the super whore. Now, it’s an empty room with a concrete floor. It was easier to tear out the carpet than deal with the glass and shards of my dad’s computer—and whatever had been spilled all over the remnants. The room’s demise had been my gain. It had the perfect light exposure and I didn’t have to worry about spilling paint on the floor. It had been the first decent thing my dad had done—leaving behind so much anger that we’d destroyed his edifice—his ode to work.

So, that's Sidra's POV, but here is an excerpt from Asher's:

She was sort of psychotic. She’d spaced out again while watching the fire. This Sidra chick had a serious pyro-mania going on. Still, I was almost positive she wasn’t the one I’m looking for. It wouldn’t be the first time one of the pyro-demons had masqueraded in human form, but they usually didn’t settle for cute female forms with nice copper-colored eyes. Plus, she wasn’t keeping a low profile, and she wasn’t new. That jock on the front row had made it sound like she’d lit plenty on fire over the years. Trace had decided that this was a new spot—possibly even a new demon—or several demons. Considering the amount of fires, I was guessing we had a pack of demons on our hands. It was rare for to them gather like this, though.

Vegas was getting nailed with fires right now. No one suspected arson, but a demon wouldn’t leave traces around like that to get them tagged as arson. That was part of what led Trace and me here. Another city. Another load of fires. A bunch of fire demons.

Nothing should be special about this place, but Sidra was changing that. She was pretty amazing.

Brand liked Sidra too. Brand didn’t like just anyone. He was the pickiest mutt. Brand wouldn’t like her if she was a fire demon. She had to be just a cute pyro in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Still, I had things to do—things that shouldn’t include tailing a hot pyromaniac. Okay, the word “tail” shouldn’t make me smile, but damn Sidra was hot. I couldn’t quite figure out what was wrong with the guys at this school. At any other school I’d been in, Sidra would have been the one with the quarterback—not the one being pelted with paper missiles. What was up with that idiot?

The teacher noticed Sidra’s expression and turned the burner off again. I tried to give this Ms. Lyons a smile to relieve that terrified look in her eyes, but Scorch here—wasn’t helping. It was probably just as well we’d be next to the fire extinguisher.

"The time has come,"

the Walrus said. "To talk of many things: of shoes--of ships--of sealing wax--of cabbages and kings And why the sea is boiling hot--and whether pigs have wings." ~ Lewis Carroll

So, it's officially November 1st--which means that NaNoWriMo has begun. (National Novel Writing Month) I'm signed up to be a participant in the mad attempt to write 50,000 words during the month of November.

Unfortunately, while I stayed up late to ring in the month, I'm exhausted and over-stimulated from too much Halloween-ing. I'm completely weened out. It was fun, but I'm exhausted.

The MCs for my novel are:

Drumroll.

Sidra Tempe (nickname Scorch)

Seth Gray

YA Urban Fantasy/Paranormal

First Person Narrative

The time has come.... BAWAHAHA!

Okay. I'm tired. Good night. Happy NaNoWriMo, Everyone. Oh, if you feel like adding me as a buddy on there, I've decided to get all complicated and go by: Wendy Sparrow

Scary Things Like Narration

So, while it's All Hallows Eve... it's also NaNoWriMo Eve, and I need to decide on a narration style.

I've settled on a topic and an audience (YA) so now it's on to deciding what type of narration I'll use.

First-- Point of View

It's natural, of course, to go with First Person narration first while listing things... so I will. Writing from the point of view of a character has it's merits. I think it's deeper and allows a more sincere connection. Also, it seems like YA books are more commonly written in this style. The quirk of First Person is that it will be biased and you'll "miss" aspects of the story just as your character does. I like the idea of writing in the First Person, and I think I'll probably go with that.

Second Person is rarely employed through the entirety of a novel--which makes it a bit of a challenge and usually I can't resist a challenge, but it's an even number, and we know how I feel about those. Second person is a scenario when the generic first person "you" is used to address a character and would be the form of Self-help books.

Third Person allows the narrator to step outside of the characters while occasionally relating their thoughts from an omniscient point of view. Third person is easier for relating what is actually happening... and creating a landscape with broader strokes. You can be brutally objective of what is going on. I've heard that Third Person is easier, but it's more difficult for me. It's easier for me to be biased and be inside someone's head.

There is also the option of Multiple Person narrative where I can use more than one first person character's viewpoint. I've done this before and switched at chapters to relate the story. I did this in the manuscript "Parallel Lives." It was fun, actually. In Third Person, I usually go from the "overall" Point of View of one character to the other. I don't stay objective very well.

Then, there is alternating Point of View. The narration would alternate between First and Third Person and while I've never done this--I really like the idea of it. This can include epistolary narration which uses letters or other written narration intermixed with a story told in Third Person. Some of the classics do this and do it well. Dracula... for example.

Okay, so... that's Point of View, but wait... that's not all of narration.

Just because you've established who will tell the story... you still have the how.

What tense will it be in?

Past tense is nice and easy. I think most novels use past tense. I think you lose a little if you write everything in present tense. I'm not entirely sure how you'd write in future tense. So, that is, at least, an easy decision for me. I've written portions in present tense (specifically dreams) and that seems "right."

Okay. Phew. Tense is done.

Wait... there's more. What about our narrative voice? That's important.

I already mentioned epistolary narration where diary entries or letters or emails are used. The book "Boy Next Door" by Meg Cabot uses entirely emails or other online correspondence to tell the story and it's hilarious and full of awesome for that.

There is also the unreliable narrator where you establish that the narrator has some reason for not giving a rational or reliable account of the story. Perhaps your narrator has extreme bias, is insane, or terrified.... Perhaps the narrator doubts their version of events because it seems too unbelievable. The age or experience of the narrator might cause an unreliable narration. If the narrator is young or naive, you'll get a doubtful narration that may even result in a satiric exposition in regards to your audience. In my Honor books, Honor has clearly flawed logic and a bias toward violence that makes her a bit unreliable as far as exposition goes. I think most First Person narration should occasionally seem unreliable. A completely rational First Person account seems flawed in itself--the cardboard cut-out version of a person.

Stream-of-consciousness is clearly my method of blogging and sometimes I'm even bordering on "shiny penny" levels of consciousness where I'm so easily distracted that.... Oh look! Something shiny! Wow. I like shiny things.

What was I saying? Oh...

So... the narration for Third Person voice varies too. Subjective... Objective... Omniscient. I tend to use Third Person Subjective. I just can't be Objective. I try, but I fail. I manage it in short stories... yay for me. Most of the classic works employing Omniscient just don't "work" for me. Pride and Prejudice being my most recent failure to get "into." It seems too detached for me, so it would be extremely unlike me to use this--especially in a YA book. However the modern version of "A Series of Unfortunate Events" is a brilliant use for Omniscient. Lemony Snicket is just awesome on a stick.

I guess that covers the gist of narration, but I still have to pick. Too many choices and less than twenty-four hours to pick.

Anyone else decided on this already?

As far as Halloween goes... as well as shiny things... The daughter will be a Candy Corn witch. The son will be a fighter pilot. We have a chili cook-off and a Trunk-or-Treat party tonight to attend. It should be fun. We have a lot to do to get ready--our trunk is currently scary in a whole different way.

I don't have a fever anymore--nor does the idea of moving make me want to hurl. I had some NASTY vertigo yesterday. We visited the husband's work for trick-or-treating yesterday. He works in downtown Seattle. The higher floors of his building were making me break out in cold sweats. It was awful. I swear it was like the whole building was swaying back and forth. Today, I'm still a little shaky. I don't know if I've mentioned this but I have nightmares every night due to one of my meds attempts to regulate my hormones. I started today off with a really significant nightmare of being raped in the dark while under the influence of something that made me so I couldn't move my limbs. I'm still a little shaky due to the remnants of it. Most of my nightmares are less intense, but sometimes I have a few nights in a row with really intense nightmares and it causes a stretch of severe insomnia because I'm afraid to go to sleep. My sickness has meant that I'm actually getting this weird things called "eight hours of sleep" but less sleep usually means less intense nightmares, so it'll be nice to get over this sickness.

I should eat some breakfast now that it is nearly eleven a.m.

Yay. It's Halloween.

Boo!

Those Voices in my head

Danielle at Upstart Crow Literary brought up this topic and it's had me thinking all week. When you write or read a book (to yourself,) whose voice do you hear narrating the book? Is it your own... a relative's... or someone else entirely.

I realized that I had different voices for nearly every story I write, and sometimes, for each character. I thought everyone did. Even my third person books are like that... the narrators are definitely not me in most cases. When I read books, it's the same way... lots of different voices.

For example, Charlie from the first Sarah book is totally Dermot Mulroney. I don't know why or how, but he is. Each of the Sarahs has a different voice and, despite what my family might think, Seattle Sarah, who has OCD, sounds nothing like me in my head. Meg's voice is definitely, 100 percent, Catherine Zeta Jones. May's voice, in one of the books I'm currently writing, is Kate Reinder's (an audiobook reader.) The Master's voice in the Honor books is James Marsters (Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.) Many of my books, the third person narrator is Johanna Parker who narrated the Mediator series of audiobooks. I can't pin down most of the other characters as easily, though. I suspect many of them are narrators of audiobooks that I've listened to, but I could be wrong.

So, only one character in all the books I've written has my voice... and it's strange to me that she does. Honor. Honor is the only character that has my voice. I think that's why that series of books I've chosen to write more than just one book using the exact same main character. (For those unfamiliar with the Sarah books... it's different main characters in each one... though they're linked and several have the name Sarah.)

Anyway, it got me thinking this week about the voices in my head... and not just in a worried way.