Where Ladybugs Roar

Confessions and Passions of a Compulsive Writer

Monday, May 17, 2010

So I choose to reject myself!

So, I just did something that probably made many question my sanity. I enclosed a rejection letter to myself inside the SASE I sent to an agent. I also included a handwritten note explaining that I'd never received good news in a SASE so I figured I'd include a little something to look forward to. It came today... with the agent's form letter and I have to say... it felt okay. Really. It's the first time I've seen a SASE without being filled with dread... and wanting to hurl.

Was it unprofessional? Possibly.

Am I mature? Not at all... so I figured it couldn't hurt. They'd find out eventually if they repped me anyway.

Besides... it was hilarious. So, I'll write a new rejection next time I have to do an SASE... so here is this one:

Dear Wendy Sparrow,

While your manuscript consumed my interest, Im afraid that wild gnomes from a far-off burrow broke into my office during the middle of the night and decided I shouldnt represent you. I wanted to deny their demands, but if youve seen wild gnomes with their pointy sharp teeth and feral ways youll understand. Theyre standing above me while Im typing this rejection and their pointy, red hats keep hitting the sides of my head. Honestly, Wendy, Im scared, and not just a little bit. Theyve threatened to rip my arms off and beat me with them. While your manuscript is good, its not worth self-flagellation. Im not rejecting you as either a writer or a person. Im sure youre a lovely individual for the gnomes to be taking so much joy in thwarting you.

You can see how much it pains me as Im belaboring over this rejection even as the gnomes are going through my inbox and throwing papers around like confetti. Yes, this is a subjective business, but really its ruled often by luck and, by luck, I mean the leprechauns who sent out the gnomes in the first place. Hopefully, youll find someone who isnt afraid of the leprechauns or their gnome minions wholl champion your book and fight the oppression of small fictional creatures with claws and an interest in manuscripts meant for mid-grade nearing young adult audiences. Im afraid Im just not that person. Please dont judge me.

Regards,

Me

(Send help and cookies to appease the gnomes.)

28 comments:

  1. EPIC WIN. I have to say if somebody sent this to me, and I was an agent (obviously), I would snatch them up immediately... after I'd dealt with the wild gnomes etc :~)

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  2. Haha! Awesome way to combat the rejection blues, I think! If only all rejections came with a dose of gnome-fear.

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  3. Very funny! A great way to look at the rejection process. :)

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  4. ARRRR! The next rejection be the fault of scurvy pirates, thar be no doubt! Blackbeard 'imself has a cat o' nine tails fer floggin any agent who DARES offer for the bonnie lass Wendy. Aye, agents... sign her out yer own peril! Yar-har-harrr!!!!!

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  5. One of the many things that makes you awesome.

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  6. Lol, Wendy, you are fabulous! Some agent has to recognize that soon:)

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  7. Oh no... first the leprechauns and the gnomes and now the pirates??? Well, I do believe Scurvy Scum is right. You know what they say... if it's not one thing... it's pirates.

    LOL. The funny thing is that I'm looking at the hardcopy only agents now and thinking "Ohhh... I can send myself another rejection!!! Yay." I am one sick puppy.

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  8. BTW... I can't be certain, but I suspect Matt brought the pirates to the party...

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  9. You thought it was Matt! Yar-har-harr *cough COUGH* I mean, ha ha ha!!! And also... neeners.

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  10. LOL. Was it you, Di? The pirates be after you next if ye be taking the credit unjudiciously.

    Thanks to everyone else for being so nice. *hugs*

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  11. (I knew she'd never guess it was me. I keep my pirate obsession close to the doublet. Also, online I'm more in tuned with my faery obsession... even though we DID eat at the Orleans Cafe... still, we didn't ride pirates together, so how was she to know?).

    IF you're forcing me to out myself, I shall...

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  12. YARRR!!! What be the booty for revealin' me true name? Thar be none! But it's proof she be wantin', and the bloomin' cockroacher who crosses Wendy must walk the plank and be sent to Davy Jones' Locker. Aye, I be in a blood-pact with the bonnie lass Wendy... she knows things... things involving mortal humiliation, letters to Justin Bieber, she-who-must-not-be-named, and the like... obey her I must. If ye be requirin' further proof, then to blazes with ye!!!! Yar-har-harrrr!!!!!

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  13. Lol!! This is hilarious! Aw well done, i think we all as writers have to find ways to perk ourselves up :)

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  14. Hahahahahahahahahaha! That agent had to at least have smiled when they saw it!

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  15. Wonderfully crafted, madam bonne lass! Of course, what would have been really keen is if you left a place for the agent to sign it and her signature be right there affirming the truth of the gnomly event!

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  16. "the" JaimeMay 18, 2010 at 8:15 AM

    I like that TimeHorse! You should have a place for them to sign it. That's funny.
    It was a great rejection letter. Make sure we get to see all your rejection letters...Of course now you have a whole bunch of people that want to see you fail...but what can you do.
    Love ya.

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  17. How incredibly creative. I love it!!! I can't believe she didn't snatch you up based on your rejection letter alone.

    Could I hire you to write all my rejection letters? I'll leave your name and email for them...they won't have to wast all those form letters AND we'll save the planet! Huh? Whaddya say? I mean, you write a book a month anyways...it's not like it'll take time away from that. ;)


    Winged Writer

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  18. That's terrific. What a great idea!

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  19. LOL... I will have a bunch of people wanting to see me fail, Jaime... but, on the other hand, that's *almost* like support.

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  20. I have a feeling that this is the agent who will say yes.

    How could someone say no to you after something as awesomespice as that?!

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  21. Oh my gosh did you really send this to an agent or editor? Hilarious! I would have accepted your work just based on the funny rejection letter! In fact, I may keep a link to this little beauty to cheer me up from time to time.

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  22. I really, really, really did send that to an agent enclosed in my SASE. So, when my SASE arrived yesterday, I didn't feel like hurling when I opened it for the FIRST time. So, I'm actually going to reject myself via Pirates, Aliens, and a Mad Lib rejection on Thursday Query day. I'll send out them in SASEs to three different agents and I'll post them as they come back to me. So, you guys can all cross your fingers that I get rejected. ; )

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  23. Brilliant. That's really strategic of you, and way to have fun while you're being strategic! :P

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  24. Ha! That's too funny. Wish you'd gotten some response from the agent (even a smiley face).

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  25. You're hilarious! If I were an agent that would seriously have made me reconsider that rejection, so I could find some way to work with you! Brilliant, BTW. Seriously an awesome idea!

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  26. That's quite clever, and it made me laugh. I hope you have better luck soon.

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