Finding Balance in a Tippy World

It's probably past time that I said something significant here. I know some people get all excited about the new year... they see it as full of promise. Most of you following me probably have noticed I tend toward pessimism rather than optimism, but I do try to evaluate my previous year in January. I don't believe in resolutions... which is an odd thing to say, but I'm an odd duck. Well, I take that back, I don't believe in making resolutions in January because I feel like the mere significance of such a thing sets you up for failure. I like to make resolutions in February... or March... or even mid-year. On the other hand, it seems foolish to look back on a year and not at least learn something from it.

So, last year... what did I learn... what will I do differently?

Last year, I got sucked into Twitter... I mean, it ate me alive.

I also really put my whole heart into querying agents. I met a lot of agents on Twitter and despite a full solid year of buckets of rejection, I don't regret really pouring my soul into the process. I had to try. Plus, I met a ton of nice agents and learned more about who they are and what to expect.

I finally got off OCD meds in October after three years being on them... this has been a total mixed bag, though.

My kids are doing well despite the great Twitter abandonment issues they should be facing after 2010... which also seems a mixed bag. It's weird to think they didn't need as much attention as I'd thought... either that or they're growing deeper rooted issues that I can't even begin to understand. I do feel guilty about that, by the way. They are both doing awesome in school and T isn't having as many violence issues as previously. (Though he did chip my older brother's tooth over Christmas break.)

My marriage is doing well... I hope, but I feel like a failure as a wife because I can't seem to keep the house clean. This is partly because I hate cleaning... like deeply and completely. It's a vile burn within my soul kind of hatred. I wish I didn't. I wish I was the type of person who kept a clean house. (OCD isn't always like that... as you can see.) I'm not that person.

When taken as a whole... I look at last year and think, "I need to learn balance. More importantly, I need to FIND balance."

Being off of OCD meds doesn't lend itself easily to that. That's part of the reason for the meds after all. I don't spend hours caught on the same thing or obsessed by a single thought. If they didn't come with the full-on nasties of side effects, I'd stay on them. A few things help replace the meds... vitamins and a balanced diet with low sugar, low salt... and a lot of water. Exercise helps. Sleep is nice... but... yeah... that won't necessarily happen. Still, it makes sense to work on all those things if I intend to stay off the meds.

Then, there is my writing. Once you've attacked something as thoroughly as I queried agents last year... spending another year doing it... again... seems frustrating. This year, I'm going to focus on submitting my novels to publishers, possibly one a month, and working on submitting short stories. I'm not doing the agent thing again... I don't think. That's not to say I don't want an agent, but sometimes these things happen after you've been accepted by a publisher.

Finally, there is Twitter and my family. Yeah... there isn't an easy answer on balancing an online life with a real life. This is where it all seems tippy to me. I suck at finding balance... and finding balance with Twitter calling my name and laundry mocking me... oy. That's all I can say... oy.

So, 2011 is going to be about me trying to find a balance of good things and necessary things and even awful, ugly, nasty things like cleaning. I'm not sure how much I'll talk about it so much as just push towards it in little ways... life is like that. The little things become bigger things until you've changed... and hopefully for the better.

Okay, so this was my big, momentous first post of 2011. Now that I've got that out of the way, you can expect more light-hearted and often nonsensical posts from me.

Twitterpated

Ugh. You've probably noticed by now that I've become addicted to Twitter. I blame Diana... and so should all of you. If you're on Twitter, you can see me chatting away all day on there or in my feed. If you're not--stay away. It sucks your life out through your nose--just like they used to do to mummify people.

Anyway, so I've been lousy at blogging and visiting blogs. Sorry. Hugs and kisses all around.

I've also been working through Re:Straint, though, and switching it into the first person from third person. It's going amazingly well. Seriously. It's going slow... really slow, but I'm loving it so far.

Umm, I haven't heard anything on Scorched, but it would be weirdly early to have heard. I haven't done anything on Honor... because I've been trying to get through Re: Straint. (Can I just tell you that this is going so well? I'm really falling in love with this story.)

Anyway, that's what I'm up to. Changing a story from third to first or vice versa is a nightmare that should never be attempted with anything less than a month's time. I'm still going to try to get it done for ABNA, but if I don't... I don't. Meh. Them's the breaks.

Well, it's 2 a.m. and I'm going to bed. Night all.

Friday Flash Fiction- (Horny/Zombies/Peas)

No, not horny, zombie peas because that would be weird.

REALLY? You're still not over at Flashy Fiction? What on earth is wrong with you? Are you crazy?

Actually, this week it's been sort of slow. I think it has something to do with NaNo, but who knows. They have another contest starting for November. (You post on a prompt and win an entry into the contest. Then, you win--like I did--and you can't decide which item in your Amazon cart to spend your money on. Nail biting ensues. You sing a little Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka. "I want the world--I want the whole world. I want to wrap it all up in my pocket--it's my bar of chocolate." Or something similar, because--uhh--yes, I did it from memory. Oh the shame.)

Even if you're not there to write, you should still follow it to see what Walt and Deb and the others write. Walt's been on fire this week--in his own blog. (He's not playing so well with others this week. His poetry has been amazing--so he hasn't needed the prompts apparently.) (Why does that make me sound a little writing handicapped? Sometimes we all need a little prompt now and then--it's natural. )

Anyway, here are my week's fiction from the prompts--short this week:

October 31st

Prompt--

"I'm so done with Halloween, Robbie! Take those stupid horns off your head."

"Yeah. Babe, I've been meaning to talk to you about the horns..."

Mine--

"I'm so done with Halloween, Robbie! Take those stupid horns off your head."

"Yeah. Babe, I've been meaning to talk to you about the horns.... Remember when we met at that bar a month ago, and I said I was here for you, Tansy?"

Tansy took a second look at her new boyfriend and said warily, "Yes...."

"That wasn't actually a pick-up line. I'm a minion and you promised your soul in exchange for an idea for your thesis," Robbie said, tossing back a handful of candy corn.

"You're here for my soul?" Tansy asked.

"What's left of it. A Doctorate in Criminal Psychology sure has sucked most of it already. Still the big guy figures you're qualified to work in HR--more so than the freaks he has there that actually worked in HR."

"I thought I had to be dead first," Tansy said suspiciously while tugging on one of his horns.

"You're cute, so I got an extension. You have until Christmas and then I'll kill you--most likely gore you with the horns. So, what's for lunch? I'm thinking french dip... maybe some cheese fries."

November 1st

Prompt--

It was the best--and worst--night of my life.

Mine:

It was the best--and worst--night of my life. I'd finally, finally, finally taken Chad to the Halloween dance. All these weeks of perfecting our costumes had paid off. We looked stunning together. Everyone had said so. He'd looked smug whenever he looked at me--as if he'd won something better than the prize for best costume. I felt perfect. We were perfect.

Then, they'd arrived. Their costumes looked authentic--really authentic--of course, they'd won. That wasn't the problem. Being there with Chad, my Chad, had been enough. He'd even kissed me during Monster Mash--which had been awkward as that's not really a "kissing" sort of song, but still, it had been really good.

It all went wrong when the "costume winners" went to claim their prizes. Well, no wonder they looked like a posse of evil zombies--they were. My costume couldn't have been more ideal for killing zombies. I had the huge scythe already. All that fake blood on Chad, though. He'd been a meal to go practically. I'd taken down half of them before I could chase after the ones that had taken Chad.

I won't say he is definitely dead, but I don't think I'm following fake blood anymore. I told him that he shouldn't ever go as a victim, but did he listen to me?

Nooo... not Chad. He thought a grim reaper had to have a victim along for show. It made sense of course, but still.... You just never want to be a victim.

Tonight was going to be so perfect too, you know?

Crap. Is that an arm?

November 2nd

Prompt--

"Please don't take this the wrong way, but I have something to tell you that's been bothering me."

-The Writer's Book of Matches

Mine--

"Please don't take this the wrong way, but I have something to tell you that's been bothering me." I rubbed my forehead, trying to ease the tension. I'd tried--I'd really tried. "You are a mess. You leave a trail of disgusting food everywhere you go. I can find you simply by following what you drop."

He raised his hand.

"No, let me finish," I instructed. "It's more than that. I never have time to myself anymore. Everything about me is you now. I give and I give but it's never enough. You just keep taking."

He looked like he wanted to say something, but maybe he just wanted more of something--he always wanted more.

I needed to get this out, though. "I've given up everything for you. I can't sleep at night. I can't work. I can't even keep our house clean. It has to be enough for you."

Once again, he tried to interrupt, but I was on a roll.

"Then, there is the whining... and yelling. I've never had to deal with so much noise. I just really, really can't take it anymore. That's even before we get to the smell. Now, do we understand each other? You've got to cut me some breaks. Do you hear me?"

He clapped and laughed.

"Okay, pudding, open the mouth. Here come the peas. Zoom zoom, Tyler. Here comes the pea plane."