Finding Balance in a Tippy World

It's probably past time that I said something significant here. I know some people get all excited about the new year... they see it as full of promise. Most of you following me probably have noticed I tend toward pessimism rather than optimism, but I do try to evaluate my previous year in January. I don't believe in resolutions... which is an odd thing to say, but I'm an odd duck. Well, I take that back, I don't believe in making resolutions in January because I feel like the mere significance of such a thing sets you up for failure. I like to make resolutions in February... or March... or even mid-year. On the other hand, it seems foolish to look back on a year and not at least learn something from it.

So, last year... what did I learn... what will I do differently?

Last year, I got sucked into Twitter... I mean, it ate me alive.

I also really put my whole heart into querying agents. I met a lot of agents on Twitter and despite a full solid year of buckets of rejection, I don't regret really pouring my soul into the process. I had to try. Plus, I met a ton of nice agents and learned more about who they are and what to expect.

I finally got off OCD meds in October after three years being on them... this has been a total mixed bag, though.

My kids are doing well despite the great Twitter abandonment issues they should be facing after 2010... which also seems a mixed bag. It's weird to think they didn't need as much attention as I'd thought... either that or they're growing deeper rooted issues that I can't even begin to understand. I do feel guilty about that, by the way. They are both doing awesome in school and T isn't having as many violence issues as previously. (Though he did chip my older brother's tooth over Christmas break.)

My marriage is doing well... I hope, but I feel like a failure as a wife because I can't seem to keep the house clean. This is partly because I hate cleaning... like deeply and completely. It's a vile burn within my soul kind of hatred. I wish I didn't. I wish I was the type of person who kept a clean house. (OCD isn't always like that... as you can see.) I'm not that person.

When taken as a whole... I look at last year and think, "I need to learn balance. More importantly, I need to FIND balance."

Being off of OCD meds doesn't lend itself easily to that. That's part of the reason for the meds after all. I don't spend hours caught on the same thing or obsessed by a single thought. If they didn't come with the full-on nasties of side effects, I'd stay on them. A few things help replace the meds... vitamins and a balanced diet with low sugar, low salt... and a lot of water. Exercise helps. Sleep is nice... but... yeah... that won't necessarily happen. Still, it makes sense to work on all those things if I intend to stay off the meds.

Then, there is my writing. Once you've attacked something as thoroughly as I queried agents last year... spending another year doing it... again... seems frustrating. This year, I'm going to focus on submitting my novels to publishers, possibly one a month, and working on submitting short stories. I'm not doing the agent thing again... I don't think. That's not to say I don't want an agent, but sometimes these things happen after you've been accepted by a publisher.

Finally, there is Twitter and my family. Yeah... there isn't an easy answer on balancing an online life with a real life. This is where it all seems tippy to me. I suck at finding balance... and finding balance with Twitter calling my name and laundry mocking me... oy. That's all I can say... oy.

So, 2011 is going to be about me trying to find a balance of good things and necessary things and even awful, ugly, nasty things like cleaning. I'm not sure how much I'll talk about it so much as just push towards it in little ways... life is like that. The little things become bigger things until you've changed... and hopefully for the better.

Okay, so this was my big, momentous first post of 2011. Now that I've got that out of the way, you can expect more light-hearted and often nonsensical posts from me.

Day Twenty-three--when your villain becomes shades of gray

So, I figured out what was up with Scorched. It came to me last night while I was typing. I had the wrong guy cast as the villain. A new character had appeared, and he is going to be a "gray" villain. He's not entirely bad, but he's not good. His motives are based on an unhealthy desire for someone. He was like a secondary villain, but I've decided he is much more of a main character villain.

That's not to say that my previous villain wasn't a villain. He is--and he'll, hopefully, still be a surprise. He just lacked passion, so exterminating him was going to feel a little like squashing a cockroach in the last scene--sure he is evil, but he was just going through the motions. (Don't you hate it when evil just becomes rote?)

Anyway, that also means that I might need to back-up and rewrite earlier. He comes in a little late, but we'll see how that works. I'm struggling with villain issues in Honor six too. Those villains.

Luckily, this new guy I've been casting as villain will do nicely.

BAWAHAHA!

Oh... ouch. I'm digging my way out of a migraine. The husband stayed home to make sure the kids made it off to school. So, no more loud evil laughter. Everyone keeps their evil laughter to themselves. I might go sit in front of the fire for a while again too.