10. I don't like things that smell... including my kids... when they smell.
9. Sometimes, I wash lego creations in T's pockets just to see if they'll stay in once piece by the time they get through the dryer. (This also falls under the category of 'My life is ordinary.') They do, by the way. It's one of life's little ironies that the legos that can't stay together long enough for your child to show you... make it through a spin cycle. (It's just as well T doesn't carry home snakes and toads in his pockets because I might try the same thing with them. I know I wouldn't remove them from his pocket, so it seems like it would correlate.)
8. I regularly let B eat popsicles for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I'm pretty sure there is a spot on the food pyramid for artificial colors and flavors and wow... bravo... we are nailing that one.
7. I tell my kids, "Do what you want... as long as you're quiet...." (Ted Bundy's mother probably said this too.)
6. I hate homework... seriously... they're in school for the better part of the day and they come home to do more work. I suspect this is to enhance parental involvement which I might also be against. (I'm kidding... a little.)
5. I make idle threats several times a day, and I'm worn down by whining. (I told T yesterday if he ever did XYZ again then I'd never let him watch TV again in his lifetime. The previous time I'd said something to this effect, he'd just curiously asked, "What about after you're dead? Can I do it then?" To which I replied, "Sure." )
4. I panic when blood is involved and literally run around in circles waving my hands like a muppet. I look a little like Grover does right here only less coordinated.
3. Sometimes.... I'm secretly rooting for T's evil schemes because they're so creative.
2. I consider Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to be an educational program. (It's an education in nineties pop culture and it's about reptiles. See! Educational. Pink Panther is also educational.)
1. The bus driver just yelled at T, and I totally plan on climbing onto the bus and coughing on her tomorrow despite it sounding like it may have been warranted. BAWAHAHA!
Yeah. I can never write a parenting book.
Showing posts with label bus drivers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bus drivers. Show all posts
Monday, September 21, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Satire's Sharp Sword Slays Swiftly
I also like alliteration. The title is actually a tongue twister. Enjoy.
Despite my dire predictions, I actually slept a full six hours last night. (GASP!) Unfortunately, it was a rough night for the little bugs and we had tears and grumbling already this morning and they missed their bus but caught the one at Stephanie's. Their bus driver is a hag anyway, though. I wrote a girl fight scene with her in my mind yesterday. She stopped the bus on the way home last week because she said it smelled and suspected that someone had let off a stink bomb. The bus driver refused to move on until someone confessed. It turned out to be the bus's engine was having issues. Then, she shouted at my kids... right in front of me... to move out of her way so she could get going. (Don't take time to cross safely kids... haul your tails before I run you over.) I'd already told them to hurry, but she SHOUTED it. She and I are going to have words. It won't be pretty. I might run up inside the bus and kick her. I'll use the element of surprise. Seriously, who is going to believe her? Why would an otherwise rational mother of two run up into a bus to kick the driver? Well, they don't know me well enough to know that I'm completely irrational. Justified violence. That was in my last post. If you can justify a little healthy outlet of killing... it's okay. We've learned that from fiction. Plus, it's good for reality to mimic fiction every so often... not all the time of course... that would be over-kill. (Anyone who didn't wince just then is jaded.)
So... satire.
I was watching Mystery Science Theater 3000 last night on google video which... as we all know... is satire at its finest. I was struck by the fact that there were times that sometimes humor is so obvious that satire can be achieved by saying nothing. The movie was "Teenagers from Outer Space." Aliens who... at youngest... were in their mid-twenties had come to earth to raise giant lobster creatures that would grow exponentially due to our lush atmosphere and an availability of a people-rich diet. These herds of giant lobster creatures would then be killed for their meat. The protagonist was a guy that was the exact image of Harry Connick Jr. named Derrick. (It was convenient that the alien hero had an easily pronouncable name, spoke English, and had a well-developed soul despite his "Brave New World" upbringing.) Derrick was a tender young lad who had his beautiful moment at the end when he crashed a fleet of lobster-bearing space ships into the earth where he was. By the way, when I say that they looked like lobsters... they were lobsters. The scenes with the monster involved a lobster put right next to the camera. This was one of those episodes where very little mockery was involved because it just didn't need it; presenting it for ridicule was enough. (I highly recommend the "Deadly Mantis" MST 3000 for comic satire at its beautiful best.)
So, goals for today... I should really clean my house. Sigh.... If only Wendy lived in a pretty how town where anyones cleaned houses for someones (e. e. cummings kind of day... and this is what I'm like when I actually get sleep.)
I should go through my highlighted YA publishers in my Writer's Market and trim down my list of possibles to those that accept simultaneous submissions and full manuscripts. If I'm going to be hanging out in slush piles across the world, I should at least fully tramp out my manuscript. With finishing this YA book, editing, and possibly printing out a draft to go through, I'm still about three weeks from mailing out submissions, but I like to have a plan prepared ahead of time. Besides, it's so much more fun than cleaning. I'm thinking I should pick my top three or four favorite.
Okay, I'm predicting in today's "reading" of "the Ruins"... the Greek dies. I'm about one third of the way into it and he doesn't speak English, they refer to him as the Greek or Pablo (which isn't his real name), and... even more damning... he's foolishly impulsive. DOH! Yeah... the Greek dies today.
"David Duchovny, I want you to love me. To kiss me and to hug me. Debrief and debug me. David Duchovny, I know you could love me. I'm sweet and I'm cuddly. I'm gonna kill Scully."
Poetry, Bree Sharp... poetry. I too know what it's like to want to be debriefed by David Duchovny.
Okay... it's too early for caffeine possibly.
If you've never read the lyrics to that song, I highly recommend it.
Here is today's required reading: http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/x-filesepisodes2/davidduchovny.htm
and e.e. cummings greatest work (in my opinion): http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/eecummings/11880
Despite my dire predictions, I actually slept a full six hours last night. (GASP!) Unfortunately, it was a rough night for the little bugs and we had tears and grumbling already this morning and they missed their bus but caught the one at Stephanie's. Their bus driver is a hag anyway, though. I wrote a girl fight scene with her in my mind yesterday. She stopped the bus on the way home last week because she said it smelled and suspected that someone had let off a stink bomb. The bus driver refused to move on until someone confessed. It turned out to be the bus's engine was having issues. Then, she shouted at my kids... right in front of me... to move out of her way so she could get going. (Don't take time to cross safely kids... haul your tails before I run you over.) I'd already told them to hurry, but she SHOUTED it. She and I are going to have words. It won't be pretty. I might run up inside the bus and kick her. I'll use the element of surprise. Seriously, who is going to believe her? Why would an otherwise rational mother of two run up into a bus to kick the driver? Well, they don't know me well enough to know that I'm completely irrational. Justified violence. That was in my last post. If you can justify a little healthy outlet of killing... it's okay. We've learned that from fiction. Plus, it's good for reality to mimic fiction every so often... not all the time of course... that would be over-kill. (Anyone who didn't wince just then is jaded.)
So... satire.
I was watching Mystery Science Theater 3000 last night on google video which... as we all know... is satire at its finest. I was struck by the fact that there were times that sometimes humor is so obvious that satire can be achieved by saying nothing. The movie was "Teenagers from Outer Space." Aliens who... at youngest... were in their mid-twenties had come to earth to raise giant lobster creatures that would grow exponentially due to our lush atmosphere and an availability of a people-rich diet. These herds of giant lobster creatures would then be killed for their meat. The protagonist was a guy that was the exact image of Harry Connick Jr. named Derrick. (It was convenient that the alien hero had an easily pronouncable name, spoke English, and had a well-developed soul despite his "Brave New World" upbringing.) Derrick was a tender young lad who had his beautiful moment at the end when he crashed a fleet of lobster-bearing space ships into the earth where he was. By the way, when I say that they looked like lobsters... they were lobsters. The scenes with the monster involved a lobster put right next to the camera. This was one of those episodes where very little mockery was involved because it just didn't need it; presenting it for ridicule was enough. (I highly recommend the "Deadly Mantis" MST 3000 for comic satire at its beautiful best.)
So, goals for today... I should really clean my house. Sigh.... If only Wendy lived in a pretty how town where anyones cleaned houses for someones (e. e. cummings kind of day... and this is what I'm like when I actually get sleep.)
I should go through my highlighted YA publishers in my Writer's Market and trim down my list of possibles to those that accept simultaneous submissions and full manuscripts. If I'm going to be hanging out in slush piles across the world, I should at least fully tramp out my manuscript. With finishing this YA book, editing, and possibly printing out a draft to go through, I'm still about three weeks from mailing out submissions, but I like to have a plan prepared ahead of time. Besides, it's so much more fun than cleaning. I'm thinking I should pick my top three or four favorite.
Okay, I'm predicting in today's "reading" of "the Ruins"... the Greek dies. I'm about one third of the way into it and he doesn't speak English, they refer to him as the Greek or Pablo (which isn't his real name), and... even more damning... he's foolishly impulsive. DOH! Yeah... the Greek dies today.
"David Duchovny, I want you to love me. To kiss me and to hug me. Debrief and debug me. David Duchovny, I know you could love me. I'm sweet and I'm cuddly. I'm gonna kill Scully."
Poetry, Bree Sharp... poetry. I too know what it's like to want to be debriefed by David Duchovny.
Okay... it's too early for caffeine possibly.
If you've never read the lyrics to that song, I highly recommend it.
Here is today's required reading: http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/x-filesepisodes2/davidduchovny.htm
and e.e. cummings greatest work (in my opinion): http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/eecummings/11880
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