Where Ladybugs Roar

Confessions and Passions of a Compulsive Writer

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Great Unexpectations

Last night, I was thinking of this whole querying process and trying to psyche myself for another round of queries to send out... and I realized that not even one small part of me thinks I'll get published. It's not that I don't think I'm a good writer. I do. There are lots of good writers out there, though. I'm not even depressed, because you have to have ambitions to be depressed. It's just a weird sense that this whole thing isn't my reality. My reality is that I'll be doing the same thing day after day... and there is some comfort in that.

Every query I send out... every contest I enter... it's like this big game with myself. It's pretending. Then, I'll wake up and write or revise just because I can't stop myself. Maybe it's because I have nightmares every night... or maybe it's the reality of coping with the kids. I don't have low expectations.... I have no expectations whatsoever.

Is that odd?

I mean, I have a full and now a partial out, but there isn't any expectation in my mind. I feel sad when I get a rejection, but part of that is just I put myself out there and exposed some part of me that I really care about. My characters are all so honest... even the evil ones that lie, because I know their souls and I write about that. It makes me wonder if I know their souls so well because they're each a part of me. So, that is what makes me sad about rejections.

As I was thinking on all this last night... I wondered if it was pessimism or pragmatism.

It's not like this will change the way I do things... because this is still fun. It's still fun to laugh with agents on Twitter. It's fun to enter contests. It's fun to pretend at this whole "writer" thing.

Okay, this was probably a really weird post. I didn't sleep more than four hours last night or the night before. So, if none of this makes any sense... it's not you... it's me. :)


  1. Your whole post makes sense. I think about this kind of thing all the time, too... and I haven't even started querying yet.
    I'm in the major revision stage of my first novel. I've taken a machete to the thing. I love writing, love my stories, love blogging about the process and making friends with similar interests. But on the whole, I don't think I'll get published. Don't get me wrong, I'd LOVE to be and I daydream about it. But it seems so far out of reach....
    It's totally not just you. It's me. ;)


  2. At the very least, you won't be disappointed very much with that attitude. Every time I send something off, I expect rejection. It's always a pleasant surprise to get acceptances, in that case. :)

  3. *sigh* I hope you are pubbed one day. The world needs to meet your characters. They REALLY do.

  4. Querying agents has brought me down so much that I almost want to stick with my e-publishers and write short stories. I had to make it my New Year's resolution to keep querying. Agents are looking for the trends: vampires, werewolves, zombies and I just don't write that stuff. But I have to keep trying and I'm glad you're still trying too!

  5. I hope you get published! Just keep doing what you're doing, as long as it makes you happy. That's the ultimate goal.

  6. It's not weird, it's normal! If you keep your expectations low, you can focus on writing and not obsessing about being published. It's pragmatic AND humble, not pessimistic.

  7. It makes sense. I think it's good to be realistic... but I also think it's good to dream a little and go for what you want until you get it! ; )

  8. I think about this all the time. Some days I will be energetic and joyful and say, "I have a feeling this WILL happen for me. It will, it will, it will." And other days I'll sit there wondering whether I'm wasting my time, putting my heart and soul into something that was never meant for me. I think it's good to have a touch of realism if you're a writer. The truth is that it may never happen for some of us.

  9. You do know your characters, inside and out. Up, down, sideways, longways, you understand your characters completely!

    The query process is easier, for sure, with lower expectations. Having NO expectations is probably even easier. I agree with Tina, the world needs to know your characters. I'm happy that you're still trying and that you're having fun :)

    I suppose you don't see how well you're doing, having requested fulls is not something that happens to every writer. Keep trying Wendy! Don't give up!!

  10. Hey Wendy, what are you doing in my head? It's scary having my words on your post. ;)

    At least I'm not alone. Thanks for sharing. Here's a big hug. :)