The Dream--the Real One

I've been gone all this week volunteering for a giant nativity display (over 500 nativities being displayed.) I did this last year around this time... and the year before. I can't remember being this exhausted after the fact but maybe I was.

I finished my nano 50K count a few days ahead of the November 30th deadline, but I haven't finished the novel. I'm stuck with about 5K left to write. I think it's sensory overload from the nativity set-up, but I'm not sure.

In other news, this whole process of querying and subbing and resubmitting... has been brutal. People keep trying to encourage me and I appreciate that. It's just... being a published author isn't my dream. I want to be a writer... and I'm there. I wanted to tell the stories in my head... and I've done that. What happens from here on out... isn't really part of my dream. I know I'm a bit of freak when it comes to writers. I think being published is usually the goal. I've done a thorough job at querying, though. I don't think anyone familiar with how many queries I've sent out and how many submission requests they've brought in... would disagree. I've done this right. It's just... a very depressing business and it's not worth it to someone who doesn't care. I'm thinking of trying a few small presses next and not going back to hunting for an agent after the new year rolls around. Honestly, I'd still just be doing that for my family and beta readers and because it's expected. Still... I'll do it.

I'm a weird duck, huh?

Anyway... my blog posts have been scattered and rushed lately and this is really no exception. I'm just exhausted today... and the words all feel fuzzy in my head.

My next post will probably be pictures of the nativity display. We'll go as a family on Saturday. They usually have a really cool scavenger hunt for kids to find interesting nativities among the rest. The kids love it.

In the meantime, it might be time for some Mt. Dew or a nap.