Where Ladybugs Roar

Confessions and Passions of a Compulsive Writer

Friday, April 2, 2010

First Page Blogfest

This is my entry into the first page Blogfest. I've been doing stuff from my WIP, but this is from one of my Company of Him books and it's a WIP too that I've hit a block on. It's about a girl in Honolulu who is blind but has prophetic visions. It's called, "You Come To My Senses."

Not all animals are born with their eyes open.

Rabbits are born into the world without sight, hearing, and hair. They are completely dependent on their mother. They are helpless. They stay in their nest and wait for their mother to return with food. Hares are born with their eyes open and with both hearing and hair. They move around from birth and can flee if danger presents itself. So, of the two… which is more likely to be frightened if startled?
You’d find it difficult to scare a baby rabbit. It has not yet learned to fear.

I was born with my eyes open, but it wasn’t until I lost my sight that I started to see.

As I awake, the flurries I sensed settle in my mind. The shadows form faces and objects which speak to me. I sit up and I can hear Hau as he rumbles into my room to wake me.

“Aloha, Hau,” I said as he licked my hand. “Is Cal already in?” Hau pushes his nose against my hand.

“I’m here. I’m here, Island Princess,” Cal said as he came in. He was pretending to be grumpy. He does this every morning. “You need to put some clothes on, Kai,” he admonishes as he sets a tray near my bed.

I could smell sweet, sugared rice and pineapple.

I laughed at him and said, “Why, Cal? I can’t see that I’m not wearing clothing.”

“Well, I can, and I have no desire to see you wandering about in your underwear.”
I can sense the air move around him as he moves around the room. “What would your parents say if they saw you like this?” he asked.

“They’d ask me how it feels to be alive and aboveground,” I said as I stretched. “My parents are dead and we will not speak of them today, Cal.”

“Yes, Miss Kai,” he says. “I’ll set out your clothing. What will you be wearing today?”

I crossed my legs on top of the comforter. “Today, I will take Hau on a walk and we will find a man with dark hair and dark eyes who has come to live on the island recently. He is running from something, but it has found him.”


  1. Wow, I didn't think the rabbit and hare beginning would work, but it did.

    I love this line, "I was born with my eyes open, but it wasn’t until I lost my sight that I started to see."

    And the ending totally makes me want to read more.

  2. Like Charity, I was drawn to "until I lost my sight" There is a haunting lyrical poetry to your words. Roland

  3. Oh wow! You have to finish this one because that beginning is amazing! Every word flowed into the next, the dialogue and descriptions are wonderful and I love your characters!

  4. Love the opening and how it leads into your character's voice.

  5. Beautiful opening that leads into a character who is filled with intrigue. This is definitely a book I want to read. Well done!

  6. Seriously, everytime you post a new excerpt, I want to just quit writing and be your full time beta reader.

    This is awesome, just like everything else you write. How is it possible for one person to have so much talent?! So many fantastic ideas?!

  7. Very nice. Great writing, great character, great intriguing question about how she'll help the stranger or if she'll get herself into trouble.

  8. Ugh! Now, I want to read more. You always suck me in with these blogfests, ya know?

  9. Ooh, I love this as well. Great voice. You do a great job showing us her world, which is quite a challenge with a blind POV.

  10. Nicely done. Has a steady flow, and a bit of a mystery in almost every sentence. I can't imagine a better last line. Definitely hooked.


  11. The rabbit thing was great! I never would have expected something like that to work, but it's awesome.

  12. This is a really good opening. I loved the 1st sentence to lead into the rabbit/hare, and then I loved the sentence leading into the MC.

  13. Not all animals are born with their eyes open.
    You hooked me right away with this sentence. The pacing was great. Your words just flowed. Great job. Thanks for participating.

  14. I like it Wendy - I do wonder though if the - born with my eyes open - line should be your actual beginning. It's a great hook. All of it is very unique though and I definitely want to keep reading.

  15. I agree with Mary's comment: I love this entire passage, but I think it would have more power to move your "I was born with my eyes open, but it wasn’t until I lost my sight that I started to see" sentence to be the opening line.
    Still, wonderful setting and characterization.

  16. Oh, very nice, good lady. I like this a lot. You've established two characters in a short space, and made the reader keen for more.

    Also, I love the challenge of removing one of the senses. It opens your mind up to other ways of seeing, doesn't it?

  17. Okay you should not be able to post from books I haven't read! It's mean! :( I sit and wait so patiently (kind of) until you do something like this.

    Hey Agent/Publisher! Hurry up and Sign my Sister!

  18. Great last paragraph. I'm intrigued. I want to meet the dark-haired man, too. Way to write!

  19. :) Thanks, everyone!!! You guys are so nice.

    Jaime, this is even worse than one you haven't read... this is one I haven't finished. I love it, though... The premise, I mean. I WANT to finish it. I just haven't figured out what is chasing the John in this. Plus, I bumped it back one to COH #12.

  20. I love how you begin this with how rabbits and hares are born, and bring us into Kai's world. The line about how she was born with her eyes open, but didn't see until she lost her sight is a great hook! (sorry I'm so late to comment!)