Where Ladybugs Roar

Confessions and Passions of a Compulsive Writer

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Scary Decisions and Diving in

And you thought you'd never get a picture of me. There it is. Okay, it's a painting, and it's from a while ago, but it's me. It's done from a picture the husband took about ten years ago of me sitting in a lighthouse window. It was my second painting--ever. It's even on canvas board instead of actual canvas. Still, it's hanging in my house right now.

I was going to post a different painting, but this one scrolled to the top first and fit better anyway.

So, I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm a shiny thing kind of writer. I get easily distracted by new and shiny ideas. I run at them all smiles and hugs and love. That's not to say that I forget my old loves. I'm in constant rewrite mode. Whenever I get stuck on something new, I go back to an old manuscript and rewrite it. I just went through most of the Honor series looking for plot inconsistencies.

(BTW, if you're going to write a series of books without a real plan, writing the entire series before getting published is the way to go in my opinion. Then, you can go back to the first and second and third and fix things that don't work later on. I've got to go through and change the ages of a few vampires in rewrites fairly soon.)

So, the point--I'm sort of a shiny thing kind of blogger too, after all, and I'm easily side-tracked, but I do have a point, or a quandary really.

I'm trying to decide whether to go back to DAW and try updated Honor Among Thieves, or to continue plugging away at finding an agent. Honor hasn't met many agents actually.

Then, I have both Scorched and Re: Straint that I'm wondering if I should work on those for submission into the Amazon Breakthrough Novel contest.

I just don't know where my strengths are--and as fun as getting rejected is... I'd rather send in the right thing and work on the right manuscript.

Then, there is this other thing--which I thought of in the middle of the night--when I had insomnia last night, and I should have just gotten up written instead.

I'm thinking of making "Sheri's Tales" free for download on Lulu. Honestly, while I'd like to write for a living and earn money at it, I write because the stories are there in my head and I won't be able to sleep if they don't get out. This whole process starts eating at your soul eventually if you're not thick-skinned. (I've been trying to wear around this new thick skin, but it's heavy and I swear it makes my butt look big.) Anyway, this "book" is a stand-alone completely. It needs a rewrite or two first, but that way... anyone curious... and my friends could read it and see what my writing style is like. I'd thought of doing the same thing on the web, somehow, but it's just an easier format to go through Lulu.

Anyway, that's my stream of consciousness mind dump for today. I need to find a thing to concentrate on and quit getting completely distracted by new, shiny manuscripts.

1. Honor among Thieves--do a final rewrite, print out, and resend to DAW or not? Send to a few agents--or not?

2. Scorched and Re: Straint--do rewrites and work on preparing for submission to Amazon's thing--or not? Submit to agents who prefer YA--or not?

3. Sheri's Tales--consider all the ramifications of making a single manuscript available free for download to the public.

I'm a little stressed out by my real life today, actually, too. That was the secondary reason for my insomnia. Poor little B is getting bullied. She's in third grade and one of the other girls has targeted her for torment. I've been warning the school for years that this is a concern. Autistic girls are easy targets and B behaves "differently" enough AND doesn't recognize bullying or meanness. She also doesn't relay things unless you ask about them. Knowing which questions to ask--is a complicated thing. This other girl, Laurel, has been punching B in the stomach, stealing her stuff and refusing to return them without a monetary payment, and yesterday she poked her in the eye with a rock. I think she also tried to frame B for a money theft and then later stole B's allowance. Yeah. This all came out last night. The husband and I have talked about taking B out of school for Junior High and home-schooling her because girls are mean to one another, but it turns out that girls are mean a lot sooner than you'd ever guess. I need to call the school and deal with this. Since B has SN and a diagnosis, I have the clout to insist that something be done immediately. Crap... I want this Laurel chick in a different class ASAP.

My best friend's little boy is in the same class as B, and I'll ask him to look out for B again. (He did this in Kindergarten.) Even if he's a turkey at times--he is also fiercely protective.

Dang it. The world is cruel.

Anyway, my stomach still feels skittery today. I'm hoping that boring oatmeal will help.

Okay, wish me luck, I'm off to call the school.


  1. I can't believe the mean girls start so young! Poor B. Hang in there, Mommy.

  2. Sorry to hear about what your daughter is going through. AND I hate it that it's at the hands of a girl named Laurel. That's my main charater's name, and now you'll have a bad taste in your mouth about her. :)

  3. Thanks, Anissa. Actually, we started hearing "so-and-so said she wasn't so-and-so's friend anymore" in kindergarten. It was ridiculous. It seemed like a rite of passage to have your heart broken early on. B is immune to that stuff, but my poor niece has gone through this idiocy several times already.

    Geez, why are girls so mean to one another? I find the psychology behind behavior interesting, but I can also usually puzzle out why kids behave a certain way. I don't know if it's a social boundaries thing, or they're trying to master the give and take of friendships, but girls can be just mean.

    Hopefully, B is friends with boys instead. They're so much simpler--even if I did nearly have a conniption when T talked about eating a fart this morning. (I told him he'd go up to his room for the rest of his life if I ever heard that kind of talk again. Overreaction? I think not.)

  4. I'm so sorry! The world really can be cruel... Especially to the young who don't understand much yet. I hope everything works out for your daughter soon! Those are terrible burdens to have to carry.

    Wow! So many options, so little time. Is one of them yelling louder than the rest? I honestly am no help. I'm kind of tenacious. When I start a project, I have to finish it. I can't split my focus. I tried during Nano to set aside my current WiP, but I just couldn't. After 25k, I jumped ship. Good luck! I hope you can sort it all out soon!

  5. I think you should resend Honor to DAW. The beginning is smoother and keeps you in the action. Truthfully I'm flabbergasted to why she hasn't been published yet.

  6. Amber, one of my favorite lines from "A Knight's Tale" is when Geoffrey Chaucer tells the two guys he owes money that he'll eviscerate them in fiction, and that he was naked for a day but they'll be naked for eternity. It makes you feel sort of powerful to get revenge by using someone's name. BAWAHAHA! Yes, sadly, I dream of revenge via fiction. I may have to write a zombie book with Laurel as the antagonist. (I'm so immature.)

  7. Nisa, thank you. I really hope that I can get this bullying dealt with and that B learns what is okay to put up with. I had no idea that she was getting bullied. Tenacity is a very good thing. I generally finish things--eventually--but finishing a manuscript feels like just the beginning if you're trying to get it published.

    Jaime, flabbergasted, huh? I'm just plain flabbered. I was gasted yesterday, but my stomach feels like it's recovering. Thanks for weighing in on the DAW thing. I'm leaning toward that. Wait, though, Heidi will call me up and say the opposite of you. Bets, anyone?

  8. I'm with Jaime. Send it to DAW. I can't believe it hasn't been published either. I didn't make dinner or shower for like three days while reading those books. Don't they recognize how addictive they are? Maybe you should pitch your books to the tobacco giants.

  9. My vote is for sending Honor to agents!

    And I'm so sorry for your little girl. One of my daughters has suffered at the hands of bullies. It's hard to be mature when they're hurting your baby.

  10. Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry to hear about B being bullied. That's just awful. I hope something can be done soon =(

    And I'd love to read your story if you choose to put it up for everyone =] Oh, and your painting is simply lovely!

  11. I'm so sorry to hear this about B. Bullying is terrible. Please give her extra hugs from me.

  12. I would have a stab at the agents. You never know unless you try...

    That sucks about the bullying. Kids can be so dreadful. I hope it all works out.

  13. Tina, I love hearing that. I act pretty self-aware and okay with my writing, but every time I hand over a book to a friend or even post in here, I get that little twinge of "is this even good? Does it suck and I'm just too close to it?" I've got a lot of people that have read my writing and know that I write, and I did that sort of to burn my bridges for backing out on this. On the days that I get a rejection, I still sort of want to do it. This whole publishing thing--is not for sissies. You have to really want it--or have enough people behind you that would kick you if you tried to walk away. I've invested so much time, energy, and heart into these things that it's wonderful to hear they're keeping you from showering. If I get my book published, I want a quote like that on the outside. :)

    Catherine, it's hard to be objective too. I keep trying to remind myself that this Laurel girl is someone's child too, but I still feel a little "grrrrr" whenever I think of this. Thank you on the painting comment.

    Natalie, I spoke to the teacher just barely and they're having an interventionist talk with both girls and B was given hugs by the teacher and told to come to her if anything makes her uncomfortable. Thank you for the compliment. You're awesome.

    Diana, bullying is terrible. Grrr. The teacher had no idea it was happening--which didn't surprise me. B is really, really quiet about things. I'm hoping this helps B learn that she needs to tell grown-ups when stuff like this happens.

    Jade, Hey you! The voices were so right about that hat. It looks spectacular on you.

  14. What school? Who's her mama? Cause that's who needs an a-- whooping! This just gets me fired up mad, freaking adolescent little punks. If her mama was doing her job at home this wouldn't be an issue. ARGH!

    I have nothing to say about your writing stuff right now. I'm so mad I can't think straight.

  15. A rock in her eye! I cannot believe a child could do such a thing. I mean, I can. I just cannot understand what could have been going on in her mind. Did she get away with stealing the money, move to the punch, move to the rock, needing to up the pain? So glad to hear you're going to school. Time for a verbal smack down. We send our children to school with a standard of expectation for their safety. This is unacceptable. Hugs to B. What a girl for standing tall.