Where Ladybugs Roar

Confessions and Passions of a Compulsive Writer

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

If you were a vampire....

how fast do you think you'd be able to go? Tossing aside all of your preconcieved notions embedded by Twilight or whatever, you're suddenly being chased by... oh... hellhounds, let's say... for kicks. We'll say you're super human and not cartoonish super-natural. Just for argument's sake, we'll say that you're on an uneven terrain, but not uphill. Also... we'll say you're a male... just to give you that muscle density boost. You'd be able to sprint also because you never tire. The top human speed... sprinting is 28 mph.

Okay... I give up... I'll just say it.

Do you see what you've driven me to, Adam?

So, you're a super-human vampire and you're being chased by a hell-hound along the skagit valley river in Washington and you're carrying someone weighing roughly 100 lbs. You're faced with the dilema that you fully intend to double-back at dawn and confront the dog's owners so you don't want to be in New York after a nice six hour sprint, because they're following in a jeep and you need them to keep up without getting ripped to shreds yourself by the dog who can match your speed. Oh... and if you get too far away from the dog's owners, they'll just kill your "passenger" from a distance and not worry about her blood. They can kill her... because....

Never mind. Forget it.

I told you there were too many variables, Adam. Apparently, Adam thinks they should be going a more impressive speed. How fast, Adam? What would it take to impress you? 50 mph? 70 mph? After six hours you'd be on the other side of WA State for crying out loud. You'd have lost the jeeps right at the beginning. There are realistic constraints to the situation even if the situation itself is ludicrous. Pull up Google earth and have at it. Start at the opening to the Skagit River Valley and trace your way along on paths that you'd be able to allow a jeep to follow on. Then, factor in wind velocity, uneven terrain, you're carrying someone, you're not ALWAYS on rock (and I don't think the Lahars extend that far), and you've got a big nasty slobbering hell-hound chasing you. Then, you just give me the numbers to punch in and boom... done. Did you think I didn't do a bunch of strange and neurotic calculations? Oh I did.... You may have caught me on Africa vs. the Gibeon Meteorite, but there are no easy answers in a hell-hound chase. I'm going to have that put on a t-shirt for you for Christmas.

You know what happens to the whiny ones, Adam. They kill the whiny ones. I just want that noted.

I'm going for a run and I'll be getting nowhere near a speed that might impress my brother. Grumble. Grumble. I'm coming down with a nasty cold, so you can expect my mood to be unimproved tomorrow. You've all been warned.

Oh... hey... the husband found a book for me to read. I'm thinking of doing a book club read on it:


I love me some zombies. (We're not unreasonable... no one's going to eat your eyes.)

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