Why I can never write a parenting book....

10. I don't like things that smell... including my kids... when they smell.

9. Sometimes, I wash lego creations in T's pockets just to see if they'll stay in once piece by the time they get through the dryer. (This also falls under the category of 'My life is ordinary.') They do, by the way. It's one of life's little ironies that the legos that can't stay together long enough for your child to show you... make it through a spin cycle. (It's just as well T doesn't carry home snakes and toads in his pockets because I might try the same thing with them. I know I wouldn't remove them from his pocket, so it seems like it would correlate.)

8. I regularly let B eat popsicles for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I'm pretty sure there is a spot on the food pyramid for artificial colors and flavors and wow... bravo... we are nailing that one.

7. I tell my kids, "Do what you want... as long as you're quiet...." (Ted Bundy's mother probably said this too.)

6. I hate homework... seriously... they're in school for the better part of the day and they come home to do more work. I suspect this is to enhance parental involvement which I might also be against. (I'm kidding... a little.)

5. I make idle threats several times a day, and I'm worn down by whining. (I told T yesterday if he ever did XYZ again then I'd never let him watch TV again in his lifetime. The previous time I'd said something to this effect, he'd just curiously asked, "What about after you're dead? Can I do it then?" To which I replied, "Sure." )

4. I panic when blood is involved and literally run around in circles waving my hands like a muppet. I look a little like Grover does right here only less coordinated.

3. Sometimes.... I'm secretly rooting for T's evil schemes because they're so creative.

2. I consider Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to be an educational program. (It's an education in nineties pop culture and it's about reptiles. See! Educational. Pink Panther is also educational.)

1. The bus driver just yelled at T, and I totally plan on climbing onto the bus and coughing on her tomorrow despite it sounding like it may have been warranted. BAWAHAHA!

Yeah. I can never write a parenting book.